An orange hair in your fries

It’s Monday. There are 15 days until Election Day. Elon tries to buy America, the Central Park Five sue Trump and America loves Harris-Walz.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity like it just found a gross orange hair in its fries. 

Note: Sexy Patriots! It’s so great to see you. We missed you yesterday, but it’s probably best that we took the day off. Otherwise we were gonna do one of our fake interviews with one of Arnold Palmer’s testicles (it was the left one), and nobody needs that. But can you really judge us for being a little goddamn loopy these days? This shit is intense! And dumb. So so dumb…

What the effing fuck?! Look, there are a million things that bothered us about Trump’s cheap stunt yesterday — the credulity of the media, his ducking questions about raising the minimum wage, the fact that his man boobs clearly dipped into the french fry grease — but we’re oddly stuck on this notion that Trump voters are so goddamn dumb that they had to practice going through the drive-thru…

Is this it? Am I doing it right?

No, Brenda. You’re talking to a trash can. Try talking to the box with the speaker. 

This is so confus…