Coup Klux Klan

It’s Tuesday. There are 630 days until the midterm elections. Trump’s corruption hits Gotham, the military tries to go whites only and a war on the judiciary.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s even thinking about learning to cuss in different languages.

Note: Sexy Patriots! We have so much to discuss today. There is a deranged and dangerous idiot running our government, and Donald Trump is there too! From what we can tell, they are already ignoring court orders and the constitutional crisis is here. And that’s so scary and so important. So please forgive us for taking a few minutes to laugh at this…[TRIGGER WARNING: GIANT ORANGE ASSHOLE BELOW]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Jilted Dipshit (JD) Vance has kissed Trump’s ass so hard his face has puckered and this is the thanks he gets?! Oh god that is too fucking funny. What a loser! Vance just got done selling out his own wife and kids Cruz-style to Elon Leon’s Big Balls weirdo kids and this was his reward! Goddamnit everything sucks and is scary as hell but that is freaking hilarious. Thanks for being an eternal punchline, couch-fucker. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Hey so you should keep calling Congress to let them know how pissed off you are, but these are the numbers to the White House switchboard and comments line. Or at least they were unless they’ve been shut off — 202-456-1111 and 202-456-1414. Remember — no threats! Even if they’re really funny!

Note three: Even the Pope is sick of Vance’s bullshit. More: Associated Press

Note four: How are things going in America right now? Well Fox sold ad time to Kanye who used it to sell swastika t-shirts. So pretty fucked up, we’d say. More: Variety

Note five: Normally this would alarm us, but these days we say bring on the lava monsters.

Note six: We don’t want to sound alarmist, but planes are crashing. Maybe it was a mistake to put some jackass from the Real World in charge of the Transportation Department. More: The Hill

Note seven: We’re not fucking calling it the Gulf of America.

Note eight: A lot of people keep asking what we can do to fight back. Aside from cussing out fascists, you can help elect Susan Crawford to the Wisconsin Supreme Court! More: WISN

Note nine: We’re not sure what to make of Democrats’ posture going into budget negotiations, but we do know we literally have one piece of leverage and we should sure as shit use it. More: Talking Points Memo

Note 10: We probably need another trigger warning here. But we wanted to remind you that Megan McCain is human garbage. And yes, we know who her father was. More: The Daily Beast

Note 11: A judge says that the Trump administration is violating a court order to restore funding and stop making cuts. It’s pretty clear that our government is just Elon Leon. And nobody fucking voted for that. We’re in a pretty scary place. More: Huff Post

Note 12: Gosh. Now why in the world would a super corrupt president who works for Russia and Saudi Arabia want to get rid of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act? It sure is a mystery. More: CNBC

Note 13: Rick Grennell, one of the worst human beings god ever crapped out, is now in at the Kennedy Center. He wanted to be Secretary of State, so this is actually kinda funny to us. More: The Guardian

Note 14: Oh no! Susan Collins is concerned that being Appropriations Chair is totally meaningless if Elon Leon can decide where tax dollars go. Yeah, she’s so fucking concerned she’s voting for RFK Jr. What a joke. More: ABC News

Note 15: Corporate America is done pretending to give a shit about anyone except rich white dudes. Google can go fuck itself. Is Alta Vista still a thing?

Note 16: It saddens us greatly to tell you that PBS has fallen. More: Deadline

Note 17: Republican senators fell in line on Tulski Gabbard. Even Murkowksi is a yes. So goodbye, national intelligence. And yeah, that works on several levels. More: CBS News

Note 18: This isn’t all that newsy, but we thought you’d get a kick out of Kid Rock storming off stage because people weren’t clapping for him. What a fucking snowflake lolol. More: Huff Post

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we want you to know that there are a shitload of good, sexy people out there fighting back. Yesterday the American Bar Association put this out, and we really needed to see it. Thank you, ABA!

Note 20: And on that encouraging note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week so far, or at least better than Just Dissed (JD) Vance. Keep your heads up, SPs. Love y’all!

Holy corrupt as fuck, Batman!
New York City Mayor Eric Adams has always been sus, as the kids say. But now it’s clear he is corrupt as fuck. Yesterday Trump’s Justice Department ordered prosecutors to end their case against Adams… for now. In a letter, DOJ made clear that this has nothing to do with whether Adams is guilty and has everything to do with the fact that Adams has been kissing Trump’s ass and promised to let the orange fuck unleash ICE on Manhattan. We’ve been around politics a long time, and we don’t think we’ve ever seen such in-your-face corruption. They’re not even pretending anymore. New York Gov. Kathy Hochul has the power to fire Adams, and she needs to do it like last week. More: The Guardian

White man’s army
We’ve been saying for a few weeks now that Republicans are trying to bring back segregation. We haven’t been joking. And now we know that the military is moving away from recruiting Black engineers and is instead looking for white crazies at NRA shows. “It’s fucking racist,” one active-duty Army general told Military.com on the condition of anonymity to avoid retaliation. “For the Army now, it’s ‘Blacks need not apply’ and it breaks my heart.” America, you fucked up. More: Military.com

Coup Klux Klan
Trump is moving at light speed to destroy the government and shred the Constitution, and the Judiciary is trying to keep up and stop him. Or at least slow him down so that he’s following the law. But it seems clear that Trump and Elon Leon are ignoring court orders and deciding that they are above the law and the U.S. system of government. Elon Leon keeps tweeting about judicial coups, and nobody elected his ass to jack shit. Every expert is warning that we are in a constitutional crisis except for those arguing we’ve already lost. We could really use a free press and an opposition party right about now. More: ABC News

Today’s clips
Former Donald Trump adviser and far-right media personality Steve Bannon is expected to plead guilty after he was criminally charged with fraud stemming from fundraising for construction of a piece of the U.S.-Mexico border wall. More: Yahoo News

Barack Obama is the most well-liked among the five living current or former presidents, according to a new Gallup survey. More: NBC News

Military families protesting the Defense Department's anti-DEI push heckled Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth on his arrival at United States European Command headquarters in Germany on Tuesday. More: NBC News

Elon Musk and a group of investors offered more than $97 billion to buy the nonprofit that controls the artificial intelligence giant OpenAI, the company behind ChatGPT, on Monday. More: Huff Post

President Donald Trump on Monday urged Israel to cancel its ceasefire deal with Hamas and “let all hell break out” if Hamas does not return hostages still being held in Gaza by noon on Saturday. More: CNN

Video
Protest outside of US Treasury