Cricket’s killer gets a new job

Today’s Big Stuff. November 11, 2024.

It’s Tuesday. There are 720 days until the midterm elections. A climate-denier at the EPA, Cricket’s killer gets a new job and Liddle gets a promotion. 

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s how you can tell we’re not full of shit. 

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! You’re in for a treat today. While most days we just offer news, cussing and a smidge of optimism, today we’re offering some real deep and profound truth about the post-election debate over what went wrong and what we need to do differently. Are you ready? Ok here goes… NOBODY KNOWS A GODDAMN THING. 

After Trump “won” in 2016, everyone told us we had to be nice to his people and keep an open mind and respect the will of the people if we wanted to win again. And we said fuck that shit. And we were right because he was a total goddamn disaster and lots and lots of people died. It’s true that we need to figure out how to do a better job of winning elections. It’s true we need to listen to people. But we sure as shit aren’t interested in learning more about these twisted assholes or becoming friends with them… More: Twitter

Grrrrrrrrrrr. Dirty sonsofbitches. It’ll be a cold day in hell before we unify with nazi trash. We’re the resistance; not the chickenshit acquiescence. We might have lost an election, but we haven’t lost our fucking minds or our sense of right and wrong. So everyone else is free to do the song and dance about us opening our hearts and minds to our MAGA friends and family. We’ll just sit here cussing until everyone else remembers who the hell we’re dealing with. Y’all have a blessed day. 

Note two: Yesterday after we hit publish, Trump announced Stephen Miller will be his deputy chief of staff for policy. Like we said, we’re not unifying with these twisted fuckers. More: PBS

Note three: Not everyone is taking our hardline, and that’s ok. Our friend Andy Beshear sure looks like a presidential candidate in 2028. In today’s New York Times, Andy lays out how Democrats can win like he did — by 5 points in a red state that elects Rand Paul for some fucking reason. More: New York Times

Note four: The AP called Ruben Gallego’s race over Kari Lake last night. We’ll be honest — we had no idea they hadn’t called it already. But we sure don’t mind celebrating this shit again. More: Associated Press

Note five: Oh look, here’s Russia just straight up admitting they helped Trump win and he owes them. Russia, Russia, Russia was always true, true, true. More: Threads

Note six: The brain worm asshole wants to fire 600 people from the National Institutes of Health. He presumably wants to replace them with more brain worms. Everyone please try not to get sick for the next four years. More: WHAS11

Note seven: Jill Biden and Melania will not be meeting tomorrow. But only because Melania is trash. More: Yahoo News

Note eight: Republicans have a small majority in the U.S. House (how small? We don’t know yet), and Trump keeps picking members to be in his Cabinet. If that seems stupid, it’s because it is. More: CNN

Note nine: MSNBC’s ratings are in the crapper. Guess they should stop kissing fascist ass. More: Mediaite

Note 10: Read this horrifying shit and then tell us how the fuck we were supposed to win this lunatic’s vote. HE’S OK WITH HITLER!!! More: Threads

Note 11: LOLOL! Jesse Watters’ mom said he can’t come to Thanksgiving. Good for her! More: Yahoo News

Note 12: What’s everybody watching to get their mind off bad shit? We need some suggestions. We prefer dumb and funny.

Note 13: Alex Jones said last night he was shutting down and auctioneers are auctioning off all the InfoWars shit. He’s a goddamn liar, but let’s hope this is true. More: The Daily Beast

Note 14: The Elon-loving owner of the L.A. Times has decided to create a new and Trumpier editorial board for the paper. This guy really understands the city his newspaper covers. Idiot. More: Deadline

Note 15: We can’t believe it but we actually have something in common with the human garbage around Trump — we wish Elon Leon would go away too! More: Threads

Note 16: There’s a lot of bleak shit going on, but we shouldn’t overlook our success in U.S. Senate races. There were some losses that really hurt and it’s gonna be painful to be in the minority, but we did have some wins and that matters. More: CNN

Note 17: Trump’s new border czar went to a white supremacists’ event and refused to apologize. So yeah, that’s pretty much all you need to know about that fucking asshole. More: Huff Post

Note 18: Congratulations to the late Harriet Tubman for being named a one-star general by the Maryland National Guard. More and more people are recognizing her accomplishments. But in all seriousness, this was pretty dang cool and long overdue. More: CNN

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to Fox News. No, we’re not kidding. We wanted to share this clip of Jessica doing hero’s work and reminding us all that truth matters and is worth fighting for. 

Note 20: And on that resistant note, let’s go do some news! We know everything sucks and is scary as hell, but we sure hope y’all are holding up ok. If it helps, we love you and we’re not going anywhere:)

Bye, Earth
So you know how Trump doesn’t believe in climate change? Well his new head of the EPA doesn’t either. Yeah, yesterday we found out that Trump is nominating former New York Congressman Lee Zeldin to be his EPA director, and that is not good news for Mother Earth. Zeldin is a climate-denying buttlick who is already promising to roll back regulations. That means he’s going to let oil and gas companies drill wherever the hell they want. More: NBC News

No justice for Cricket
Dogs should be afraid. This morning we learned that Trump has asked puppy-killer Kristi Noem to be his Secretary of Homeland Security. Yes, that is messed up. Mostly because she’s the governor of South Dakota and doesn’t know jack shit about homeland security. But also because she’s a puppy-killing psycho who shouldn’t be allowed in polite society. It’s obvious and expected that Trump is filling his cabinet with bloodthirsty kiss-asses who will never question his most depraved whims. Speaking of which… More: CNN

So widdle
The most pathetic liddle man on the planet is getting a big job. Yesterday the New York Times reported that Trump has tapped Marco Rubio to be his Secretary of State. We were surprised by this for a few reasons. For one, Rubio was co-author of the bipartisan Senate report that made clear Trump sought and accepted help from Russia in the 2016 campaign. But also we kinda thought Trump hated Rubio for making fun of his small hands and tiny weiner. Maybe he still does and he just wants to be able to fire him. Anyway, Florida is gonna get a new U.S. Senator, and you just know that person is really gonna suck. More: CNN

Today’s clips
FBI Director Christopher Wray and Donald Trump's team are planning for the possibility that the president-elect will replace Wray during the new administration, three people familiar with the matter told NBC News. More: NBC News

The Supreme Court refused Tuesday to let former Trump White House chief of staff Mark Meadows move the election interference case against him in Georgia to federal court. More: Associated Press

The judge overseeing Donald Trump's New York criminal trial delayed a key ruling Tuesday on whether the president-elect's conviction should be set aside, according to correspondence between the parties. More: NBC News

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) is accusing President-elect Donald Trump of violating a key ethics law for incoming administrations. More: Huff Post