Dumb and dumber

It’s Thursday. There are 593 days until the midterm elections. The Fed guy says the economy ain’t looking so good, the racists give Jackie Robinson a reprieve and Trump loves the uneducated.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. There are also some Trump videos in this edition. We’ll let you decide which is more offensive.

Note: Ya know, Sexy Patriots, we got damn spoiled during the Biden administration. Not by the policy or the decency or the general lack of sucking nazi ass. No, what we miss are the slow news days. We used to have to fill notes talking about sports and movies and now we’re so overwhelmed we miss insane stories like this…

Yeah, so things aren’t awesome. Matter of fact, things are pretty fucked up right now. To find out how fucked up and get to the bottom of this story, we sat down with the Statue of Liberty…

TBS: Hello, Lady Liberty! Thank you for joining us! We’re big fans!

Statue of Liberty: Hey guys! I’m actually the fan. Love the newsletter!

TBS: Oh thank you! That’s so nice. So, Lady Liberty…

Statue of Liberty: You can just call me Statusan.

TBS: Really? Like Susan but with statue in it?

Statusan: Yep!

TBS: Um ok cool. So do you want to go back to France?

Statusan: No, I don’t. I love it here. America and I have been a good team for a long time. But she’s a hot fucking mess right now. Hell, I remember when people used to shit in the street, and things smell way worse with that orange lunatic in charge.

TBS: We’re sorry our country is being such a dick right now.

Statusan: I know you are, boys. Fortunately, my back is facing America so that sorry old sack of shit fake president can kiss my big green ass!

TBS: So are you seeing anybody?

Statusan: Nice try, Sam.

So there you have it. Lady Liberty isn’t ready to leave yet, but it sounds like she’s getting close. And it sounds like Adam needs to handle the interviews from now on. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We hope you’ll forgive us, but we’re gonna take tomorrow off. Frankly, we need to stop staring at the orange dumbfuck sun for a day. We’ll still be sure to send out some good stuff, but the newsletter will be back Monday.

Note three: Germany is telling its people they’re not safe traveling to America now. Not because of crime. Because of our government. We’re guessing we don’t need to tell you how royally fucked that is. More: Reuters

Note four: Thank you to Colorado Sen. Michael Bennet for being the first senator to suggest Chuck Schumer needs to step down. More of this please. More: NPR

Demand Chuck Schumer Step Down as Democratic Leader: Share and sign the petition: Chuck Chuck Schumer

Note five: Does this gross motherfucker think America is a mirror?

Note six: Melvin Musk is asking for 60 senators to impeach a federal judge. He didn’t know it takes 67 senators to do that. People really need to stop calling this weird asshole a genius. More: MSNBC

Note seven: Non-congratulations to Rep. Guy Reschenthaler, who left his wife for Fox News reporter Brooke Singman. Sounds like his wife is the winner here. More: PageSix

Note eight: So even Fox News’ poll is finding Trump starting to suck wind on the economy. While they have his overall approval up to 49 percent, he is badly underwater on the economy (43/56) and on battling inflation (40/58). Seven out of 10 respondents say they expect a recession this year. America fucked up big time.

Note nine: Our favorite part of that and all other recent polls is checking in on Melvin Musk’s embarrassing unpopularity. Only 40 percent of respondents approve of Melvin’s DOGE bullshit, and 58 percent disapprove. We can drive those numbers higher. Let’s do it. More: FoxNews

Note 10: The White House press is getting really white supremacy-ish these days.

Note 11: The New York Times reported yesterday that Melvin Musk is maxing out to every member of Congress who supports his effort to impeach federal judges. It seems bad to us that a South African billionaire with little to no knowledge of our country can buy whoever the fuck he wants. (More: Paywall, Seattle Times)

Note 12: A French scientist was denied entry to the United States because he criticized Trump in phone messages. They actually went through his fucking phone. The Statue of Liberty is definitely gonna leave our sorry asses. More: The Guardian

Note 13: A Georgetown grad student was grabbed by hooded ICE agents in D.C. yesterday, becoming the second Palestinian-linked person to be snatched by the federal government without a warrant. Apparently he was taken because of his father-in-law’s work with Hamas. Trump was smart to start with people that Americans don’t want to defend. But he won’t stop there. More: Associated Press

Note 14: We’re also finding out that the administration is sending innocent people to the concentration camp in El Salvador. This is why we have due process. Because your freedom shouldn’t be taken away on a whim or a hunch by a chode like Marco Rubio. More: MSN

Note 15: Trump is gonna pave over Jackie Kennedy’s Rose Garden. And we don’t even have a joke here. Just anger and nausea.

Note 16: We’ve been highly and rightfully critical of our own party for its failures recently, but we are damn glad to see some Democrats getting out in Republican districts and holding town halls. This is the kind of smart, creative offense we need to see. More: Huff Post

Note 17: Trump is taking away $175 million from his alma mater Penn because they let a trans woman on their swim team a few years ago. There are currently no trans people on the swim team. Again, this will not stop with trans people. More: Associated Press

Note 18: Please remember to get involved in upcoming special elections. The most important is the Wisconsin Supreme Court race. We have to beat Melvin and elect Susan Crawford. There are also special elections in Florida the same day (April 1). But if we’re honest, we think Wisconsin needs to be the priority.

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we give you Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker, who didn’t start a podcast to suck nazi ass…

Note 20: And on that inspirational note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are hanging in there this week. Especially if you’re Statusan. We’ll see you back here Monday, SPs. Love y’all!

Ruh-roh
Yesterday the Fed declined to change interest rates, pointing to uncertainty in the economy. Fed Chairman Jerome Powell, who we criticized constantly and now kinda like, said that tariffs are a big reason why the rates ain’t changing. The Fed is now projecting only 1.7 GDP growth this year (not good!), and Powell said the chances of a recession have gone up in the last two months. So congrats to all the dipshits who voted for Trump because they thought he was better on the economy. More: CNBC

42 > 47
After several bullshit press releases attempting to excuse their racism, Pentagon officials have restored Jackie Robinson’s page on their website. This was one of those stories that crossed from the political world to the sports world, and it was encouraging to see several sports commentators sounding off on this yesterday. Thank goodness shame still occasionally works. Of course, there are many other courageous Americans who broke barriers, fought injustice and don’t have Mr. Robinson’s name ID. More: ESPN

Dumb and dumber
Today is the day Trump is announcing his illegal order to shutter the Department of Education. He will of course be sued, but it seems clear now that the department will be destroyed one way or another. We are seeing a full-scale attack on education in this country with Trump and is army of morons determined to make schooling available only for rich white people. This is a sad day for America, and we are damn angry about it. More: USA Today

Today’s clips
A jury has convicted a failed political candidate of numerous federal charges in connection with a series of drive-by shootings at the homes of state and local lawmakers in Albuquerque in the aftermath of the 2020 election. More: Huff Post

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu gave a silver pager to Sen. John Fetterman (D-Pa.) on Wednesday as a thank-you gift for his support of Israel. More: Huff Post

Columbia University signaled Wednesday that it would comply with the Trump administration's demands in return for restoring $400 million in federal funding, saying it would "engage in constructive dialogue with our federal regulators."NBC News

The federal judge at odds with the White House over its immigration enforcement and now the target of impeachment calls driven by President Donald Trump is a bipartisan appointee whose three-decade career in Washington, D.C., has included cases that have favored Trump. More: NBC News

Turkish authorities detained 37 people for sharing “provocative” content on social media, the interior minister said Thursday, pressing ahead with a crackdown on dissenting voices that escalated with the arrest of the mayor of Istanbul, a potential challenger to President Recep Tayyip Erdogan. Huff Post

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