Elon’s American Education

The South African is learning who he’s messing with

For a supposed genius, Elon Musk sure does a lot of stupid shit.

But nothing – not his hilariously dumb covid predictions, not his piss-poor parenting and not his destruction of Twitter – is as dumb as Musk thinking he could fuck with the American people and get a pass.

Today (Saturday) is a big day for Tesla Takedown, an organic group of resisters who have been protesting at Tesla dealerships around the country and sending a message to the ketamine-soaked clown who is destroying our country. If you can go, please do. Elon needs to learn, and you’re the one who can teach him.

You see Elon is from South Africa. His family left when they did away with apartheid. He doesn’t understand our country or what makes it tick. When he claims on Fox News that he’s leading a “revolution,” he doesn’t understand that we take that shit pretty seriously.

He thinks he can call us parasites. He thinks he can wreck our systems. He thinks he can buy our votes. And he thinks we’re so dumb and he’s so smart that we’ll thank him for the privilege. Like we said, he doesn’t understand Americans.

It’s important for us to say here that we are opposed to violence and vandalism. Unlike Republicans, we actually are members of the law and order party, and so we are against people bombing and burning Teslas and Cybertrucks even if we think it’s funny to see them in flames on social media. But more than being hilarious, these acts of less than civil disobedience are creating a teachable moment (even if the methods should be condemned). The lesson is you can’t hurt Americans and expect them to just sit there and take it.

When you fire tens of thousands of people from the Veterans Administration and then wave around a chainsaw to brag about it, people are gonna get pissed off. Really pissed off.

Elon can’t understand why he’s so hated right now because he doesn’t understand us. He believes that because he is the richest man in the world and he has all the powers of the president of the United States that he can simply throw some cash around and he will get whatever he wants. He really did think we would greet him as a liberator.

And sadly, that will be true for some. If we’ve learned anything from Trump, it’s that way too many Americans are eager to throw away their right to self-governance and their self-respect for a buck and a donut. Some don’t even need the buck and others will do it for concepts of a donut.

But not all of us. No, some of us are pushing back. Some of us are not for sale.

And it’s not just burning Teslas and slumping stock.

On Friday, Elon announced that he was heading to Wisconsin on Sunday for a “talk” and to hand deliver two $1 million checks to voters there. The state is voting on a critical Supreme Court seat on Tuesday, and Elon has already thrown in around $20 million to try and buy the election.

But with this latest stunt, Elon made a big mistake. He broke the law in a place where people still care about shit like that. The Wisconsin Democrats were the first to call out the apparent illegality of Musk’s underhanded efforts, leading him to delete his announcement tweet shortly after. Not long after that, Wisconsin Attorney General Josh Kaul announced he is planning to take action against Elon’s crimes.

Oops.

Arrogance has always been the downfall of people like Elon Musk. Despite what his weird mom says, he ain’t that special. He’s just another maladjusted asshole with too much money and not enough sense. Things don’t usually turn out great for people like that.

And while Trump will do everything he can to prop Musk up in front of a public that increasingly hates him, the orange one can only afford to have so much dead weight around in addition to his own. We already saw one shocking election upset earlier this week when a Democrat won a state Senate seat in a Trump +15 district after explicitly running against Elon’s assault on the federal government. You can bet other Republicans are starting to get nervous about the prominence of the strange South African who keeps breaking shit.

Whenever a Democrat wins the presidency, we always hear from pundits that they are overreaching by doing stuff that actually helps people. But modern American politics has never seen an overreach like this. Even the Iraq War will pale in comparison to letting a billionaire asshole fuck up Social Security and veterans’ care.

The angry chorus of boos is getting louder. The protests are getting bigger. Still, Musk continues his rampage, trying and failing to put a silk hat on his fugly pig with desperate Fox appearances. We’ve all heard for years that this weirdo is a genius, but he sure does seem to be a slow learner. Maybe Wisconsinites will help speed up the process on Tuesday.

Regardless, we can all play our part in educating this ass-for-brains. So please join a protest and (peacefully) teach this fool a lesson.

It’s the only way he’ll learn.