Endorsement Edition

Today’s Big Stuff. November 2, 2024. Endorsement Edition.

It’s Saturday. There are three freaking days until Election Day. MAGA Mike messes up again, the VP’s team is feeling good and Trump is somehow getting weirder. 

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. For America.

Note: Well hey there, Sexy Patriots. You’re looking extra Sexy and Patriotic this weekend! Out there kicking ass for democracy? Oh yeah! That’s what we love to hear. We’re doing our part too, but first we wanted to share something with y’all.

We couldn’t decide whether we should make an official endorsement in this race. But then we remembered we’re not gutless pants-pissing chickenshit billionaires who are scared of a goddamn gameshow host. So here now is the Official Today’s Big Stuff Endorsement in the 2024 presidential election — 

Why we’re endorsing Kamala Harris

By Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman 

We are endorsing Vice President Kamala Harris and Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz for president and vice president of the United States because we’re not fucking stupid, we don’t fucking hate women, we don’t fucking like seeing the United States Capitol attacked and we don’t want to watch a fucking idiot rule America as a fucking idiot king. Kamala Harris is smart, strong and qualified as hell. Tim Walz is normal and nice and his opponent seems like the kind of guy who would have sex with a couch. We’re fucking furious that this is even close. Vote Harris-Walz 2024.  

We decided to keep it short. But really what else is there to say? Y’all have a blessed day. And thank you for all that you’re doing to preserve and defend our democracy. 

Note two: Even for Trump, this is extremely freaking batshit nuts. Like why women and children? Just to be extra horrifying? 

Note three: Elon Leon Musk had a bad day as a federal judge rejected his request to move his $1 million bribe case out of Pennsylvania state court. Bummer, Leon Elon. See you in court, asshole. More: ABC News

Note four: Ted Cruz’s campaign spent $9,000 at beauty spas. Ted Cruz still looks like a butt. More: Huff Post

Note five: We didn’t know it until yesterday, but we would absolutely watch a buddy cop movie with Barack Obama and Tim Walz.

Note six: Wow. Our broken and corrupt Supreme Court didn’t screw us (yet) on voting in Pennsylvania. More: CNN

Note seven: Trump called into Fox and Friends this morning to defend the Madison Square Garden crap, his tariffs and some dumb shit about “Black jobs.” We’ll get to this in the news section, but he’s losing it. 

Note eight: Cardi B joined VP Harris last night in Milwaukee, and she was just wonderful. 

Note nine: If you want to make calls or help in some way this weekend, then please go to Go.KamalaHarris.com. We’ve got this. We’ve just gotta bring it home. More: Kamala Harris Online

Note 10: We’re just gonna leave this here and you can choose whether you want to cry or not. We definitely didn’t and we will fight anyone who says different…

Keep talking!
It’s no secret that we have no love for MAGA Mike Johnson, the Keebler Speaker of the House. But we do love when he talks. While traveling around the country in support of Republican candidates, MAGA Mike keeps putting his foot in his mouth and telling the truth about how much damage Republicans will do if they win. Earlier this week, he suggested that Republicans were coming after Obamacare again. And then yesterday — lol — he actually went to a Republican New York incumbent’s district, and with the incumbent standing right behind him on camera, told a local student reporter that House Republicans would repeal the CHIPs and Science Act. That act is only responsible for like 800,000 jobs, some of which will be in that same district where MAGA Mike was standing when he said that dumb shit. They knew immediately how badly they messed up. The congressman even said that MAGA Mike “apologized profusely.” LOL! We have to admit that the Mike Johnson Traveling Fuck-up Show is one of the funniest things we’ve ever seen. So we never thought we’d say this, but keep talking, MAGA Mike! More: CNY Central

Feeling groovy
We’ve still got miles to go before we sleep, y’all, but the VP’s team said they are feeling good about where things stand. In a conference call with reporters yesterday, the team said that late-breaking voters are going Harris’ way by double-digits after Trump’s racism celebration at Madison Square Garden. According to them (per HuffPo), the grossness of that event “was breaking through the noise of the final weeks of the race.” We sure hope that’s true. Because we’d hate to think we live in a country that would see that shit and still make that asshole president. Let’s keep these good vibes going. Are you making calls this weekend? More: Huff Post

What the…
So Drudge beat us to the best headline for this, but Trump appeared to be simulating oral sex on his microphone last night. Yeah, even for him it was pretty fucking weird. The whole night was. Trump’s crowds are noticeably thinner than they used to be, he is more quiet and more unhinged. He’s made it part of his routine to attack the people who set up his campaigns, telling the crowd last night he could go backstage and “knock the hell out of” the people who set up his mic. The Atlantic has a story out this morning about how he was running a disciplined campaign but he just couldn’t keep it together. We call bullshit on the notion that he was ever disciplined, but he is clearly losing whatever shit he had left. And it’s really fun to watch. Like seriously what the fuck is this?!

Today’s clips
In the closing days of the presidential campaign, former President Donald Trump and some of his top allies have increasingly embraced and spread anti-vaccine rhetoric typically linked to former independent presidential candidate and vaccine skeptic Robert F. Kennedy Jr. More: NBC News

Hugh Hewitt, a conservative columnist for The Washington Post, revealed that he quit the newspaper Friday after feuding with Jonathan Capehart in a live stream over Donald Trump’s election rhetoric. More: Huff Post

Technically, abortion is not on the ballot here. North Carolina is one of more than a dozen states that have banned or heavily restricted abortion since Roe v. Wade was overturned and also don’t allow residents to bypass their state legislature to put the issue directly before voters on a statewide ballot. Ten other states currently have it on the ballot, eight through citizen-led initiatives.

But that hasn’t stopped abortion rights supporters from pushing for votes up and down the ballot. From the presidential race — where Donald Trump and Kamala Harris offer two distinct visions on the issue — to the local level, where Democrats hope to break a Republican supermajority in the state legislature. More: NBC News