Goodbye, free press
Happy Friday. There are 641 days until the midterm elections. Senate Democrats give up, Elon Leon is scaring the hell out of us and goodbye, free press.
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But we finally got it to stop chewing tobacco.
Note: Hey, Sexy Patriots! It’s great to see you today! And it’s great to be us! Why? Well, when you’re a cussing newsletter, you can say shit that other newsletters and news organizations can’t. And today we want to say fuck Donald Trump straight to hell. What a racist, sexist, pig-fucking, shit-eating, scum-sucking assbrain…
Goddamn sonofabitch. What the effing fuck is wrong with him?! And yes, actually, can we please get him to go jump in the Potomac like right now? We had honestly forgotten how this horrible shithead makes awful situations so much worse. Apparently America did too. And now we’re stuck with this crap until Satan takes him home. So since that miserable fuck is too dumb and too evil to do it right, here’s how he should have responded…
My fellow Americans, my cold dark heart is broken for the souls we lost over Washington. I trust federal investigators to get to the bottom of what happened and now I’m gonna shut my stupid anus mouth because I don’t actually know jack shit about aviation safety and it would be idiotic and super racist for me to stand here blaming DEI programs like some kind of unhinged KKK moron. May God bless America and may God please help me get my giant head out of my giant ass.
See how easy that is? All he had to do was not be a dick. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: This is a pretty shitty position to be in, but we are really really really hoping Sen. Bill Cassidy does the right thing and torpedoes RFK Jr.’s nomination. Cassidy is a doctor, so he knows how many people he’ll be killing if he caves and approves the brain worm guy. More: NBC
Note three: It also looks like Russian asset Tulski Gabbard’s nomination is hanging on by a thread too. If Trump loses both of those, he will be hobbled from the get-go. Man, it sure sucks to be counting on Republicans to do the right thing. More: The Guardian
Note four: And thanks to Adam Schifff for putting Kash Patel on blast yesterday…
Note five: Mother Jones has a nice scoop this morning about how RFK Jr. admitted to the Senate that he reached “at least one settlement agreement in which he was accused of misconduct or inappropriate behavior.” Duh. That’s why he was picked. More: Mother Jones
Note six: Also, measles is starting to make a comeback in Texas so PLEASE DON’T CONFIRM THE ANTI-VAXXER JUNKIE GUY WITH THE BRAIN WORM!!! More: Texas Tribune
Note seven: Seriously. This guy can’t be in charge of our health…
Note eight: We stuck it in the clips section yesterday, but ex-Sen. Bob Menendez was sentenced to 11 years in prison for being corrupt. Notice how none of us are crying about rigged juries or trying to destroy democracy? It’s just that easy to not suck. More: CNN
Note nine: Wow. The people around Trump just get scummier and scummier. Where does he find these assholes? Oh right. America. More: TPM
Note 10: There are so many heartbreaking stories about those we lost in the plane crash. This one about Kiah Duggins wrecked us. RIP to a shining star gone way too soon. More: People
Note 11: We want to send some love to Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker for going hard at Trump’s bullshit these days. Thanks for not being a weenie like so many others in our party. More: Fox 32 Chicago
Note 12: Pritzker also banned Jan. 6 trash from getting state jobs in Illinois. Now that’s creative! More: NBC
Note 13: THANK YOU to every musician who performed in LA last night to raise money for those people affected by the fires. Lady Gaga slayed, Stevie Nicks was breathtaking as always, Joan Jett did a reunion with Nirvana and our personal favorite was Slash teaming up with the Black Crowes to cover Led Zeppelin’s “Going to California.” Oh and it was also pretty awesome to see Kamala and Doug there getting love from the crowd.
Note 14: Doug Collins was part of Trump’s 2020 coup attempt and he shat all over RBG when she died (h/t Jonathan Cohn). So why the fuck did 31 Senate Democrats just vote to advance his fucking nomination? More: Mediaite
Note 15: Trump is gonna get another chance to rig the census. So we’ve got that to look forward to. More: NPR
Note 16: Maybe we wouldn’t have plane crashes if DOT focused on safety instead of this weird creepy shit…
Note 17: Yesterday Trump was bragging about putting massive tariffs on Mexico and Canada. Today the Wall Street Journal is reporting that his team is looking for a way out of it because it will fuck up the economy. Real well-oiled machine over there. More: WSJ
Note 18: Also, eggs still cost a shitload…
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to Taliban-controlled Louisiana, where state Republicans are worried the women-folk are gonna show to much ankle at the Super Bowl halftime show. Yeah, apparently these freaks and perverts think women should be covered up in between all the violence and head injuries. Why is it a Happy Ending? Because we love making fun of weird prudes. We hope Kendrick comes out pantsless. More: HuffPost
Note 20: And on that backwards note, let’s go do some news! You’ve now made it through two weeks of Dipshit 2.0, and you are still here. We’re proud of you. We can get through this because we have each other. And because he is really, really, really dumb. Love y’all!
What are we doing?!
We do not like criticizing our own team. Ideally, right now Democrats would be united in opposition to the fascism we spent years warning the country about. But that ain’t what’s happening, and we are fucking pissed. Yesterday Senate Democrats agreed to allow votes on three of Trump’s nominees so the Senate could take Friday off. According to reports, Democrats allowed votes on Doug Burgum, Doug Collins and Christopher Wright so they could all get a long weekend. We are beyond disappointed, and we’re starting to wonder if Senate Democrats might need to make a change in leadership. We need fighters, and we need them now.
More: CBS
Oh shit
Big news in Washington today as a career employee at the Treasury Department is resigning because Elon Leon and his lackeys want access to the financial plumbing system of the United States. Yeah, the nazi freak who just launched a banking system on twitter also wants access to the nation’s $6 trillion payout system that is responsible for issuing social security and medicare checks, among many other things. People who know things are warning this would be a really fast and easy way for the South African to destroy our economy. So congrats to everyone who voted for the guy with a worse record than Herbert Hoover because they thought he’d be good for the economy.
More: Reuters
RIP
You can just about put a fork in the U.S. mainstream media. It was revealed last night that CBS parent company Paramount is looking to settle Trump’s bullshit lawsuit about editing on 60 Minutes. They’re not doing it because they did anything wrong. They’re doing it because they want to do a big corporate merger and this is a way to bribe a president whose government could stop it. If Shari Redstone goes along with this, then she will be remembered as the corrupt and pathetic scum who helped kill the free press in this country. Oh and Trump sicced his FCC chair on NPR and PBS. Guess this cussing newsletter is the media now. Until we get sued to hell and back by some soulless billionaire.
Today’s clips
Several top FBI executives promoted by former Director Christopher Wray were told Thursday to resign or retire and that they will be demoted or reassigned if they don’t leave, according to one current and three former bureau officials. More: NBC
As investigators zero in on the final seconds before a regional American Airlines passenger jet and a Black Hawk military helicopter collided over Washington, D.C. on Wednesday night, sources told ABC News, staffing at the air traffic control tower was "not normal" at the time of the crash. More: ABC7
As President Donald Trump’s threat to impose 25% tariffs on imports from Canada and Mexico as soon as Saturday looms, the global automotive industry is collectively holding its breath. More: NBC
Federal officials on Thursday approved a new type of pain pill designed to eliminate the risks of addiction and overdose associated with opioid medications like Vicodin and OxyContin. More: HuffPost
From Youtube
Tulsi Gabbard Exposed: Congressional Hearing
Live: RFK Jr. Getting Humiliated
Trump TAKES AWAY Dr. Fauci’s security detail in a disgraceful move.
There is no fucking end to this shit. ElonLeon, keep your fucking mitts off my Social Security. It is not an entitlement, this is my money, you shit bag, and I'll go toe to toe with you. I may be little, I may be old, but I fight dirty.
Oh, and quit dicking around with Pete.
"Yeah, the nazi freak who just launched a banking system on twitter also wants access to the nation’s $6 trillion payout system that is responsible for issuing social security and medicare checks, among many other things."
WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK?!