Hit the phones!

It’s Tuesday. There are 616 days until the midterm elections. Elon’s incompetence hits America, France out-toughs Trump and Republicans come for Medicaid.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it doesn’t kiss Russian dictator ass.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! Welcome to Today’s Big Stuff! For those who don’t know, this is a cussing newsletter that cusses out Donald Trump and the scum who enable him. We also like poop jokes, great music videos and reminding everyone that they aren’t losing their goddamn minds and that they are not alone in being shocked and horrified by the endlessly fucked up shit that is happening in our country.

We live in the dumbfuckiest of times now, in which a dumbfuck gameshow host is changing the very fabric of reality through sheer force of idiotic repetition. That’s why we like to be very loud and very clear about some shit — just so that ol’ burnt turd can’t rewrite history all the way. For example, Russia, Russia, Russia has always owned Trump’s orange wrinkled ass and it has always been really fucking obvious to literally everyone except his dipshit cult and the New York Times. But if they’re not seeing it after this humiliating shit…

Motherfucker. It should be pretty goddamn clear now, right? Hillary warned us. Kamala warned us. Anyone who can fucking read and saw Don Jr.’s goddamn email to Russia warned us. And yet here we are with a moron president completely owned by a Russian gangster. And it fucking sucks. We don’t know about y’all, but we ain’t kissing no Russian ass. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We’ll talk about this in the news section, but Republicans are trying to destroy Medicaid today. Light up the phones. Let them hear you. Here is the Congressional switchboard phone number to be connected with Members of Congress: (202) 224-3121

Note three: And while you’re at it, maybe call the 16 Senate Democrats who voted to confirm Trump’s new Secretary of the Army. Seriously what the fuck are we doing here? (Bennet, Blumenthal, Cortez Masto, Durbin, Fetterman, Gallego, Hassan, Heinrich, Hickenlooper, Kelly, Klobuchar, Peters, Reed, Rosen, Shaheen and Warner) More: Spectrum Local News

Note four: Some serious shit is going down with that lunatic U.S. Attorney in DC. He’s so busy fighting the AP and kissing Jan. 6 ass that he’s refusing to let cops go after a Republican congressman who allegedly roughed up his mistress. We’re beginning to think they were full of shit on that whole law and order thing. More: Huff Post

Note five: And you’ll be shocked to see that the U.S. Attorney can barely read or write…

Note six: James Carville has an op-ed in the New York Times today telling Democrats to “roll over and play dead” and let Republicans implode. This is some of the dumbest goddamn advice we’ve ever seen, and it could only come from someone who last won a political campaign before the fucking internet was invented. NO GODDAMN LINK ON PURPOSE

Note seven: Thank you to Rachel Maddow for calling out her own company last night over its decision to make its line-up whites only. We’re especially pissed to see our friend Katie Phang get canceled. If we had to guess, MSNBC won’t be around for much longer. Oh well. More: USA Today, Katie Phang on Bluesky

Note eight: A Trumpy judge refused to grant the AP relief over the White House’s bullshit, but the judge did encourage the White House to do the right thing. We’re sure they’ll get right on it. More: Associated Press

Note nine: We saw a bunch of y’all in the comments yesterday talking about how you donated to Judge Susan Crawford in Wisconsin. We fucking love it. Take that, Elon Leon!

Note 10: This one made us laugh…

Note 11: Thanks to Alex Winter for the love on Bluesky yesterday. If you want to help Alex fuck with Elon Leon, head on over to teslatakedown.com.

Note 12: Remember we were told we needed a meritocracy? Well the guy Trump is putting in charge of food safety at FDA is some rando Florida lawyer who hunts with Don Jr. So nobody eat anything for the next four years. More: Vanity Fair

Note 13: We’re not gonna link to Politico because they suck orange ass, but they do have a frightening story today about how mercenary Erik Prince is asking Trump to let him build “processing camps” and a small army to deport people. So basically he wants to be the American SS. More: NO LINK ON PURPOSE

Note 14: There is nothing America First about cheering for a South African to fuck over U.S. military veterans. More: Punchbowl News

Note 15: Let’s play a game. What is this gnarly bruise on shithead’s hand from? Wrong answers only.

Note 16: Fake news cuts both ways. If you saw reports that the Eagles were snubbing the White House, then you were misled. Yeah, we’re disappointed too. More: Huff Post

Note 17: Virginia Gov. Glen Youngkin says he’s fine with all the federal employees losing their jobs to Elon Leon’s Doge bullshit. Unfortunately, every news story we found about his fucked up comments focused on his empty promise to help them find new jobs. More: WUSA9

Note 18: Well this is fucking terrifying. The FAA is going to start using Elon Leon’s Starlink, so that weird freak basically owns the U.S. now. Great work, everybody. More: CNN

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending we’d like to shamelessly plug our friend Alex Vindman’s new book, The Folly of Realism. It’s about Russia’s illegal invasion of Ukraine, and we all know Vindman ain’t afraid to stand up to dick-tators. Congrats, Alex! Get your copy here.

Note 20: And on that congratulatory note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope your week is off to a great start even though you’re probably ashamed to live in a country with a president who kisses KGB ass. Yeah, we are too. Fuck that asshole. Love y’all!

Who’s on First?
That’s a reference Elon Leon probably wouldn’t get. Just like he doesn’t really get comedy or how the federal government works. That’s why we’re seeing total buffoonish chaos from this fucking dork and his gang of other dorks. We told y’all yesterday about the five-things email federal employees were told to submit. Except they keep getting conflicting instructions. Leon says to send the email and then the cabinet secretary of that agency says don’t send the email because it’s illegal to send some shit. And then they’re told they have to send it or they get fired. So basically Leon is the boss from Office Space who is fucking everything up and making it harder for people to get their work done. Sounds about right. More: Huff Post

Pardon our French
Yesterday at the White House, Trump met with French President Macron and it was embarrassing as hell. Not only did Macron have to correct Trump’s bullshit numbers about how Europe has helped Ukraine, but Macron was the only one willing to call out Putin as a “butcher” since Trump can’t stop kissing his ass. We have no idea how all Americans aren’t embarrassed as hell by this crap. America First, right? More: ABC News

Sick
Tonight House Republicans are going to vote to destroy Medicaid so they can give a tax cut to Elon Leon Musk and Donald Trump. This is not an exaggeration. They are also going to wreck SNAP so more people go hungry. We’ve seen some really stupid political votes in our time, but this one takes the cake. They are going to fuck over millions and millions of hardworking Americans so their South African friend can get richer. So no, James Carville, we don’t think rolling over and playing dead is the right play here. Make them eat it. Make them eat it all. More: NY Mag, KCCI

Today’s clips
Responses to the Elon Musk-directed email to government employees about what work they had accomplished in the last week are expected to be fed into an artificial intelligence system to determine whether those jobs are necessary, according to three sources with knowledge of the system. More: NBC News

Current and former FBI officials expressed shock and dismay Monday over the news that President Donald Trump had selected a right-wing podcaster and ardent FBI critic to be the bureau’s deputy director, even as the man picked for the job said he was ready to put partisanship aside. More: NBC News

Pope Francis, hospitalized in critical condition with double pneumonia, was well enough to meet with the Vatican secretary of state to approve new decrees for saints and call a formal meeting to set the dates for their canonization, the Vatican said Tuesday. More: Huff Post

Trump Golf Track (visit)

The latest from Adam Parkhomenko

The latest from Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman