Jack Smith's revenge

Today’s Big Stuff. October 3, 2024.

It’s Thursday. There are 33 days until the general election. A special guest joins the Blue Team, Jack Smith brings the heat and VP Harris brings the love. 

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s how we cuss out Melania. 

Note: Holy hell, Sexy Patriots! We have so much important stuff to discuss today. So let’s start with some seriously weird shit instead. Did y’all see this Georgia congressman who photoshopped a picture of Jowly Dimples (JD) Vance to make him hot? Yeah, it’s pretty goddamn weird…

Ummmmmm ok. We’re not real sure what to say here. First, love is love and if this is what Mike Collins wants, then we’re happy for him and supportive even though he obviously has the worst taste in men of anyone on the fucking planet. The other thing we’re wondering is how much does this hurt if you’re Just Dogbuttugly (JD) Vance? We’d never show our faces in public again. Even for a soulless, heartless, shameless weasel like Vance, it’s gotta sting that even one of your biggest dude-crushes thinks you’re kinda hideous. Can you imagine someone saying, ‘Hey, I love you but we need to change your fucked up face?’” 

We’d tell Vance to shake it off, but we also think he’s pretty damn fugly. And really, if you’re gonna photoshop anything on that scumbag try adding a spine or removing his lips from Trump’s orange ass. Or you know, just get help. Y’all have a blessed day. More: Mediaite

Note two: Did you give money to Sen. Sherrod Brown in Ohio? If so, you helped him break a record and hopefully fend off a challenge from a real asshead and we think that’s just awesome. Well done! More: Vindy.com

Note three: Yesterday we were so caught up in debate stuff that we forgot to share the sad news that John Amos died. You might remember Amos from Good Times or Coming to America or the West Wing. What a talent. What a loss. More: Variety

Note four: Remember how the New York Times said it wasn’t so simple to just call Elon Musk a right-wing shithead? Well it actually was that simple. Because yesterday there were reports that Leon has been funding gross right-wing groups for years. This comes as a huge shock to the media and no one else. More: Reuters

Note five: The Republican Party hates women, and they’re getting damn close to admitting it.

Note six: Wanna hear something really fucked up? Melania is trying to be pro-choice in her memoir and in a video today. Ain’t it funny she’s never mentioned this once before in her whole miserable goddamn life? Maybe she’s just a cheap fucking liar we should all ignore. More: The Guardian

Note seven: CNN is launching a digital paywall. We sure as shit won’t be giving them a dime, so we probably won’t be linking to CNN as much anymore. We know you’re crushed. More: KTLA

Note eight: We have no idea why Ari Melber keeps having Peter Navarro on MSNBC, but we do know we’re not watching that shit. NO LINK ON PURPOSE

Note nine: If y’all didn’t see superstar Marcus Johnson handing out civics lessons after the debate, then please meet this young man… More: MSNBC

Note 10: Oh damn. Eugene Vindman stuffed the fake family guy in a locker.

Note 11: Trump said yesterday he is going to deport the Ohio Haitians even though they are here legally and crucial employees at a local company. Let’s stop that from happening, shall we? More: CNN

Note 12: We’re all waiting to see if Tina Peters, that batshit crazy Colorado clerk is going to jail. And if she doesn’t, get ready to see a lot more of her kind this November. More: Associated Press

Note 13: They actually did it. Louisiana rescheduled abortion pills as dangerous drugs, making possession of a single pill punishable by five years in prison (h/t Ron Filipowski). More: CNN

Note 14: The VP debate drew 43 million viewers, which is down from the 2020 VP debate. Our theory is that Vance makes people vomit uncontrollably and they didn’t want to subject themselves to that. More: CBS News

Note 15: So Sam is old enough that he’s been a Pearl Jam fan since the beginning. But how can anyone not love Eddie Vedder taking Trump to the woodshed? More: Twitter

Note 16: Republican senators are begging Trump to stay out of the race to replace Mitch McConnell as leader. Wanna bet he doesn’t and instead installs a puppet? More: Axios

Note 17: You know that Wisconsin mayor who thought he would be cute and move a drop box? Well he got a visit from DOJ. More: Washington Examiner

Note 18: Just Dodging (JD) Vance refused to answer the 2020 election question again yesterday. It’s almost like he was fine with a coup attempt and ready to do another one. More: Associated Press

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we just had to share this clip from Kimmel of Haley Joel Osment as Vance ordering a doughnut. Or doornut. More: Twitter

Note 20: And on that hilarious note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having an awesome week. And if you’re gonna photoshop a new picture of Vance, please don’t forget to add the horns and tail we all know is actually there. Love y’all!

Welcome!
VP Harris is getting a special guest on the trail today as Liz Cheney joins her in Wisconsin at the birthplace of the Republican Party. We’re never gonna be able to fully wrap our heads around the fact that we are now on the same side of an election as the Cheney family, but we’re trying not to think about it too much. It sure seems like Trump-hating Republican women have become a target demo down the stretch, and we like this move. More: NBC News

Treason
Judge Tanya Chutkan is not messing around. Just days after Jack Smith filed his report against Trump in the Jan. 6 case, Chutkan released it to the world. And we know that Trump is a criminal who knew he lost the election and still tried to overturn it by using criminal means. It’s insanely fucked up that the Supreme Court forced this moment, but good for Smith for not being intimidated and making clear that Trump attempted a coup against the United States. In our book, the most fucked up part is that Smith says he can prove that Trump sat alone scrolling through twitter on his phone while the attack was happening. So fucked up. More: Politico

Thank you!
Yesterday VP Harris traveled to Georgia to meet with Helene victims and hand out some meals. The videos are incredible and reveal a compassionate and strong leader who is ready for her moment. Definitely better than Trump’s pathetic little show the other day in Valdosta. President Biden also toured hard hit areas yesterday, continuing to win praise from Republican governors who say the federal response has been top notch. More: NPR, Twitter

Today’s clips
Long lines of container ships queued up outside major U.S. ports on Thursday as the biggest dockworker strike in nearly half a century entered its third day preventing unloading and threatening shortages of everything from bananas to auto parts. More: NBC News

Federal prosecutors filed new indictments on Tuesday against two police officers in Louisville, Kentucky, who allegedly used false information to obtain the search warrant that led to the fatal shooting of Breonna Taylor in 2020. More: Huff Post