JD's sucky ski trip

It’s Monday. There are 610 days until the midterm elections. The great American crypto scam, Europe rallies around the people we abandoned and Trump’s poll numbers meet reality.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And it would like to thank the Academy for Best Cussing Out of Fascist Assholes.

Note: Sexy Patriots! How was your weekend? Did you see that amazing performance? Did you stand up and cheer? We sure did! No, we’re not talking about the Oscars, where a bunch of rich chickenshits decided to play nice and avoid politics. We’re talking about these badass motherfuckers who ruined Jiggly Dudeboobies (JD) Vance’s ski vacation this weekend…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Wonderful. We have often said that the one good thing about Trumpland is that it gives everyday Americans the chance to be heroes. And the people who cussed Vance to hell and back this weekend are most definitely heroic. Hell, even the ski report person got in on the action, calling out all the destructive shit Vance and Trump are doing to the planet. This is how you resist, baby.

Also, what kind of scumshit sells out Ukraine, kisses Putin ass and then takes a ski trip? Probably the same kind of person who thinks couches are for fuckin’. Last week was pretty dark, so thank you to the ski patrol for reminding us that Americans aren’t taking this shit lying down. We won’t go quietly, couch-fucker. Y’all have a blessed day. More: Kottke.org

Note two: We didn’t see most of the Oscar movies this year, so we don’t have much to say. But we do want to say thank you to Daryl Hannah for being one of the few people with the guts to speak out for Ukraine. More: Independent

Note three: Thank you to everyone who sent a nice note to help us celebrate our birthday month. We definitely did not cry because we were so touched. But it sure got dusty in here.

Note four: We know y’all saw it, but Trump and Vance surrendered to Russia Friday, bullying and attacking President Zelesnky in the Oval Office and then SecDef Pete Hegseth ordered the U.S. military to stand down its cyber operations against Russia. Last night Trump even posted that we need to stop thinking about Putin so much. So yeah, America lost to Russia and we are super fucking pissed off about it. More: CNN

Note five: While we were bummed the Oscars largely hid from Trump, this was a good joke and Conan is pretty awesome…

Note six: It’s a March Miracle! After a kid died in Texas from Measles, RFK Jr. almost endorsed a vaccine! It only took him a week and it’s still a half-assed endorsement, but we’re calling this a win. Maybe the brain worm is actually in charge. More: The Hill

Note seven: Orange Dingus is addressing Congress tomorrow night. We’re trying to think of a good way to resist other than just flinging our own shit at the television. Seems like that one would hurt us more than it would hurt him. More: Associated Press

Note eight: Democrats have asked Elissa Slotkin to give the rebuttal. Nobody will watch and nobody will care, but at least we’re sending the message that we hate the liberal wing of our party. Sigh. More: The Hill

Note nine: A USAID employee put out a memo about all the death and destruction Trump and Leon Elon are causing, so they put the employee on leave. Make it make sense. More: NBC News

Note 10: We have to show more love to the Vermont protestors. They really made our weekend…

Note 11: We want to be very clear that we don’t give a flying fuck what Rahm Emanuel thinks about anything. And if Democrats follow that dude, we’ll be following him right off a cliff. More: Yahoo News

Note 12: There was some serious pushback at Republican town halls this weekend. And Republicans are worried. Trump even posted about them on his social media site, dismissing the very angry Americans as paid protestors. Keep believing that, asshole. More: The Hill

Note 13: Mike Myers was brilliant as nazi weirdo Elon Leon this weekend, and we love that Leon let us know how much it pissed him off. What a fucking loser. Also, great “Canada is Not for Sale” shirt, Austin Powers! More: NBC News

Note 14: Ivanka hurt her foot. Anybody here give a shit? Ok cool. Moving on. More: The Daily Beast

Note 15: We know we’re down on the Oscars, but that opening musical number was pretty dang good…

Note 16: Remember when we were told Glen Youngkin was a moderate? Well he just pardoned a cop who killed an unarmed Black man. Doesn’t seem so goddamn moderate, does it? More: WJLA

Note 17: Republican Sen. Lisa Murkowski is big mad that Trump surrendered to Putin. Of course she also voted to confirm Tulsi Gabbard so maybe she should be mad at the idiot in the mirror. More: The Hill

Note 18: Remember, everyone, we’ve got a super-duper mega-huge state Supreme Court seat to win in Wisconsin. More: WPR

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going back to Hollywood, where Elvira Mistress of the Dark showed off her brand new Fuck You to Elon Leon this weekend…

Note 20: And on that spooky awesome note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all have a lovely weekend. And if you spent it telling a fascist fuck to eat shit, then we’d call that a lovely weekend. Love y’all!

The scam president
If you’re keeping score at home, here are some of the things the U.S. doesn’t have money for — Alzheimer’s and cancer research, paying U.S. military veterans $50,000 a year to be park rangers and preventing polio, malaria and HIV from spreading. But apparently we have plenty of money to bail out weird crypto bros who keep trying to make fetch happen. Look, bitcoin is a scam. It always has been. It ain’t real and it fluctuates in value way too much to be currency. Oh and it takes a shitload of energy to mine. So of course Trump just announced he is going to use our money to fund a crypto reserve. This is the scammiest of scams that is just taking our money and giving it to assholes like David Sacks. More: CNBC

Thank you, Europe
The social media posts came fast. In the moments and hours after Trump and Vance attacked Zelensky, the leaders of Europe made clear that they will continue to have Ukraine’s back even if the United States is surrendering. Zelensky was even greeted with a hug and cheers from the crowd when he arrived in London. He’s even been invited to meet the King of England. It is tragic that our nation is turning its back on our allies so that Trump can continue to kiss his Russian master’s ass. Russia, Russia, Russia was always a real thing, and the people who said it wasn’t were fucking lying. More: CNN

About damn time
Even though Trump took office with historically low approval numbers, they still seemed way too high. Well now that he’s been in office about six weeks and Americans are remembering what a destructive asshead he is, those numbers are coming back down to earth. A new Marist poll out today shows Trump underwater at 45/51. CNN’s poll shows that among independents, Trump is at 41/59. Overall, CNN has him underwater at 48/52. And this is before he causes a recession. Despite the cowardice of Beltway bums, Trump is not invincible so let’s stop acting like he is. More: NPR, CNN

Today’s clips
The shutdown clock is ticking on Capitol Hill as lawmakers look to fund the government by the looming March 14 deadline, an effort that thus far has been unsuccessful as the two parties trade blame over who is responsible for the delay. More: The Hill

Spring may almost be here but winter still has a sting in its tail, with a "robust winter storm" set to bring severe weather and potential power cuts to millions across much of the country this week — as Southern states face a critical risk of wildfires as winds and temperatures rise. More: NBC News

South Carolina Gov. Henry McMaster declared a state of emergency Sunday as wildfires in the Carolinas and Georgia scorched thousands of acres and forced people to flee their homes. More: NBC News

Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz (D) has expressed his regret at the way in which he felt he got swept up — as Democratic nominee Kamala Harris’ running mate — in combating a racist lie that was peddled by Donald Trump’s campaign during the 2024 election. More: Huff Post

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