More threats

It’s Monday. There are 57 days until the general election. Trump warns of a “bloody” second term, MVP drops her policy page and a post-debate battleground blitz.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. So yeah, it’s the cool newsletter.

Note: Sexy Patriots, today we want to talk to you about a very important topic — ass sweat. Yes, other newsletters are too afraid to take on the big stuff, but here at TBS, we know you come to us for real talk. And this week’s real talk is we’re all gonna be nervous as hell which means lots of ass sweating which means we need to stay hydrated.

We realized the need for this PSA about PSA (Perspiration Saturated Asses) yesterday when we saw that the New York Times has Trump up one point over MVP and then we saw all the pundits deeply inhaling their own farts and talking about how MVP is in trouble because she hasn’t done enough interviews with the press. Between that and Tuesday night’s debate and the fact that Trump keeps warning us he wants to put us all in prison, our asses are sweating big time. It’s like we’re sitting in a really gross kiddie pool but it’s just our pants. If we could hook up an IV of Gator…