No(em) soul
It’s Thursday. There are 586 days until the midterm elections. The dog-killer does nazi stuff in El Salvador, the brain worm guy keeps getting worse and a South African tries to buy Wisconsin.
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. Even on Signal chats.
Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, these dumbasses sure ain’t getting any smarter. Whoo boy are they dumb. Just look at this dumb shit…
See? DUMB. Like where did Trump find this fresh crop of dumbfuck bozos? Where does a guy like Mike Walz come from and how much crazy shit do you think we can get him to believe? Well let’s find out. We got his Signal number and we thought we’d try it out…
Us: Hello? Mike Waltz?
Waltz: Yeah. Who’s this? Hurry up because I’m overseeing a raid in Syria.
Us: Um… it’s your mom.
Waltz: Oh hey, mom! I didn’t recognize your number and you sound funny.
Us: I had to get a new phone because your dad stuck my other one up his ass because he didn’t want you to call us. And I sound funny because you’re a fucking moron.
Waltz: Ha! That sounds like dad. So what’s up?
Us: I just want you to know I don’t love you and I dropped you. A lot. That’s why you’re dumber than dogshit and you got a weird head.
Waltz: Awww, mom. You always say that.
Us: Can I have your bank account information? I need it to check something.
Waltz: Sure! Got a pen?
Yikes. Ok so that was worse than we thought it would be. Obviously that wasn’t real, but admit it – you were starting to wonder a little bit. Anyway, does anyone want that dumbshit’s account number? Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: ICE is snatching students off the streets for the crime of writing op-eds. It’s fine to hate the shit they put in those op-eds as much as you want, but having secret police just kidnap people and disappear them to Louisiana is about as anti-American as you can get. If they’ve committed crimes, then arrest them, charge them and try them. More: WHDH 7News, NBC News
Note three: Axios is reporting this morning that Trump wants to shut down all foreign students attending some universities. It’s pretty obvious that they want to destroy major schools and they’re using the Middle East protests as a reason to do so. Because if they were really worried about antisemitism, they wouldn’t hire so many fucking nazis. More: Axios
Note four: Our hearts were broken yesterday when the CEO of NPR went before House Republicans and said they should have spent more time on Hunter’s laptop and covid origin stories. Goodbye, NPR. We’re really gonna miss you. More: The Hill
Note five: This must be what they meant by “ugly Americans.”
Note six: We still don’t know who let alleged human trafficker Andrew Tate and his brother in this country, but we do know that Tate has been accused of sexual abuse again. Can you imagine what a scandal this would be if a Democratic president oh nevermind. Yahoo News
Note seven: Buying a car just got way more expensive thanks to Trump. We’re also wondering what happens to Americans who go to work every day putting Toyotas together in places like Kentucky. More: CNN
Note eight: A big thank you to Rep. Jimmy Gomez who asked during a hearing yesterday if Pete Hegseth had been drinking when an Atlantic reporter was added to that Signal chat. We’re not sure why this wasn’t a main theme from the beginning, but we’re always happy to see there are some people in our party who know how politics works in the year 2025. More: HuffPost
Note nine: While we were all asleep, Trump was awake and threatening Europe and Canada. We really miss Sleepy Joe. More: MarketWatch
Note 10: Here is Trump bragging about how his bullying of law firms and colleges has been working. This is why resistance is so fucking important. He won’t ever stop.
Note 11: Well, baseball fans, congrats on making it to Opening Day. It will be nice to have another distraction while the country gets shat to pieces.
Note 12: There are four U.S. soldiers missing in Lithuania. We don’t know much about it. The commander-in-chief doesn’t either apparently. More: The Independent
Note 13: Wow. Sometimes they just come right out and say it. Trump’s pick to be ambassador to South Africa literally fought to keep apartheid going. More: TPM
Note 14: Mother Jones is reporting that one of the people Trump sent to the camp in El Salvador was arrested because he has a tattoo. It’s a tattoo for autism awareness. What kind of evil, fucked up country does shit like this? More: Mother Jones
Note 15: “Kneepad Brad” is just the most brutal and accurate nickname we’ve heard in a while. Other than Melvin;)
Note 16: This is nuts. Even oil executives think Trump is a fucking moron. More: NBC News
Note 17: Utah has successfully had vote-by-mail forever. But they just got rid of it because of Trump. Idiots. More: SL Trib
Note 18: We’ve been more focused on Wisconsin, but it’s good to see those Florida House races are making Republicans nervous. Give ‘em hell, Florida! More: Florida Politics
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, well, we were kinda struggling. We’ve got Opening Day, the March Madness Sweet 16 and this. What can we say? We like Scooby Snacks.
Note 20: And on that desperate note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week. And if not, just remember that you’re not Mike Waltz. Love y’all!
No(em) soul
We debated whether or not to include the video, but we decided that more attention is exactly what DHS secretary and dog-killer Kristi Noem wants for her sick fucking stunt. Noem traveled to the gulag the U.S. is using in El Salvador, she got all dressed up and then she shot a video in front of dozens of caged men stacked up like fucking firewood. Just when you think you can’t be shocked anymore, these sick fucks find a way. More: Huff Post
Measles MVP
RFK Jr. really wants to make this country ill. And not in a good Beastie Boys way. No, the ex-junkie is announcing today that he’s going to cut another 10,000 jobs from Health and Human Services because those people would only get in the way of his plans for mass murder. This will bring the total number of health jobs cut to 20,000. When reached for comment, bird flu said hooray. More: CNBC
Just say no, Wisconsin
Elon Leon Musk is trying to buy more votes. After offering Wisconsin voters $100 to sign his bullshit petition, Musk is now doing that $1 million lottery thing again that he did in Pennsylvania during the 2020 election. This is in addition to the $20 million or so the creepy shithead has already put into the state’s Supreme Court race. We have to elect Susan Crawford. Make us proud, Wisconsin. More: The Independent
Today’s clips
Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney said Wednesday that U.S. President Donald Trump’s auto tariffs are a “direct attack” on his country and that the trade war is hurting Americans, noting that American consumer confidence is at a multi-year low. More: HuffPost
Congress on Wednesday killed a regulation requiring certain digital asset trading platforms to report customer transactions to the IRS. More: HuffPost
Senator Tammy Duckworth (D-IL) laughed when Fox News anchor Bret Baier confronted her for calling Trump Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth a “f*cking liar” over the Signalgate scandal, asking her about the use of “expletives” by Democrats. More: Mediaite
Brazil's former President Jair Bolsonaro will stand trial for allegedly attempting to stage a coup against current president, Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva, after a ruling from the country's top court. More: BBC
From Adam:
Noem grew a new pair of melons in time for her trip. I guess it was done to excite some of the guys in the cell. I wonder if she also used padding to enlarge her derrière.
On a more serious note this is what I posted earlier this morning on another site:
Trump won’t last 4 years. IMO, Stephen Miller is running the show and trump’s job is to sit at his desk, sign EOs and blabber on about nothing when the reporters are called in. His look is vacant and his disinterest in everything going on around him is very troubling. And I’m sure that Elon is part of the charade organized by Miller and Navarro. Someone at some point will spill the beans, and not a moment too soon.
Our dumb corporate media is moving onto the Noem Nazi and Trump’s BS EO. We cannot allow them to ignore the Signal story because it’s not “new”.