Putin them through hell

It’s Thursday. There are 607 days until the midterm elections. More dumb tariff crap, more betraying Ukraine and our South African president.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But you’ll never catch it doing a podcast with right-wing a-holes.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! Welcome to another day in Suckland! Today we’re announcing the launch of a new Public Service Announcement (PSA) campaign, but we want to warn you ahead of time that it ain’t for the faint of heart. In fact it’s pretty goddamn unsettling. So if you just want some news and profanity, we suggest you skip the first note and head on down to the second.

Today we are excited to announce the start of the Please Just Fuck Trump! campaign. See? We told you it was unsettling. Bet you wish you’d gone on to that second note now. But since you’re here, allow us to explain. While watching this strange video clip yesterday, we realized how much better off we’d all be if some of these damaged old men could just fuck Trump and get it over with…

See what we mean? You will never meet two people who celebrate and cherish love more than us. When two or three people find each other it’s a beautiful thing and we support it with our whole chests. Except in this case. No, in this case we’re guessing it would be pretty gross and ugly. Still, Howard clearly needs a good Trump humpin’ and we support him in his thirsty quest. So come on, Howard, Please Just Fuck Trump! Then maybe these guys will stop fucking the rest of us. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Don’t worry. You didn’t miss anything. That’s also true of Gavin Newsom’s new podcast which featured Charlie Kirk for some reason. Gavin is trying to become Republican Lite, and it’s pretty damn gross to watch. Fuck off, Gavin. More: Mediaite

Note three: Ok so this is pretty freaking amazing. The Intercept found Elon Leon’s email address and published it. Please be responsible and don’t send lots and lots of pictures of baboon anuses. More: The Intercept

Note four: Trump is planning to announce today that he has signed an executive order to shut down the Department of Education. That’s clearly illegal and clearly bullshit. More: ABC News

Note five: Boston Mayor Michelle Wu was called to testify on Capitol Hill yesterday. We’re guessing Republicans regret fucking with her.

Note six: Elon Leon says he wants to privatize the Postal Service and Amtrak. So say goodbye to both of those things working. More: NBC News

Note seven: Republicans are attacking Justice Amy Coney Barrett as a DEI hire because she’s a woman who adopted Black kids and voted against Trump yesterday. We do love when they eat their own. More: Media Matters

Note eight: It appears an actual nazi is now a spokesperson at the Pentagon. So we’re doing DEI still but for weirdo hate freaks. Great. More: Mother Jones

Note nine: Republicans — and some Democrats — are still whining about Al Green and this morning voted to censure him. Meanwhile the Republican campaign committee is making super racist attacks against a Democratic member and nobody seems to give a shit. More: Huff Post

Note 10: Speaking of Rep. Green, we continue to applaud him for standing up to a fascist fuck. We just can’t figure out why he’s so damn alone. Also, a giant FUCK YOU to the Democrats who joined Republicans this morning to censure Green. Our party is a disaster.

Note 11: This is a funny and repulsive story about how Cheryl Hines is afraid to leave the brain worm asshole in D.C. alone because he’ll cheat on her if she does. Cool marriage, Cheryl! More: Jezebel

Note 12: Remember how we all warned America that Trump wants to let pregnant women die? Well we were right. And it’s awful. More: Associated Press

Note 13: Trump is planning to fire 80,000 people from Veterans Affairs. It’s almost like his long history of trashing veterans should have told us something. More: Associated Press

Note 14: Great news, everybody! The CDC is gonna rehire a bunch of the people it just fired. Don’t you feel safer? More: NPR

Note 15: These twisted motherfuckers even went after Sesame Street…

Note 16: France is looking to help nuclearize the rest of Europe. And we can’t really blame them. More: CNN

Note 17: Larry Kudlow is already warning that tomorrow’s jobs report is gonna be bad. And this morning we found out from Challenger that U.S. employers cut more jobs last month than anytime since 2009. And we all remember what a shitshow 2009 was. Here comes the Trumpcession. We tried to warn you, America. More: CNN

Note 18: There is a MAGA civil war over Florida officials’ decision to open a criminal investigation into alleged human traffickers and rapists the Tate brothers. Our party is a mess, but at least it ain’t this. More: New York Post

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we want to single out and thank Rep. Jasmine Crockett. Speaking plainly is an important part of politics that a lot of politicians just don’t seem to understand. That’s why we’re so glad to hear Crockett refer to Trump as “Putin’s ho.” Now that’s some good messaging. More: The Hill

Note 20: And on that desperately needed note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week. And we hope that Lutnick guy gets what he wants. Love y’all!

Tariff or not to riff?
You’re not gonna believe this, but Trump is doing dumb shit that’s messing up the economy. Just days after announcing tariffs on Canada, Mexico and China, Trump is now backing off the auto tariffs part. But he’s also threatening Trudeau some more. It looks like Trump will back off again today, but all this uncertainty is clearly bad for the economy and it really drives home the point that Trump is a fucking moron who has no idea what he’s doing. More: ABC News

Putin them through hell
Since Russia illegally invaded Ukraine, the United States has welcomed thousands of Ukrainians. Now Trump wants to deport them. Yeah, there are reports this morning that Trump not only wants to deport the 240,000 Ukrainians who have fled to the U.S. while their homeland was being bombed to hell and back, but he wants to fast-track their removal. This is probably beside the point but are these the first white immigrants that Trump has hated? Anyway, this is a nauseating betrayal of people who have already been through a fucking nightmare. Cue the Lee Greenwood. More: Kyiv Independent

President Leon
So now it’s obvious that Elon Leon is in charge. Yesterday the nazi salute dork went to Capitol Hill where Republican senators begged him to let them vote on the cuts he’s illegally making. To put them at ease, Musk gave the senators his cell phone number so they can call when he and his nerds fuck up a program they care about. If you’re looking for this mess in the constitution, you won’t find it. Congress is supposed to decide where money is spent. Not some weirdo ketamine addict from South Africa. More: CNN

Today’s clips
Some U.S. allies are considering scaling back the intelligence they share with Washington in response to the Trump administration’s conciliatory approach to Russia, four sources with direct knowledge of the discussions told NBC News. NBC News

White House adviser Alina Habba said Tuesday that military veterans affected by the DOGE-led layoffs of federal workersmay not be "fit to have a job at this moment." More: NBC News

The Broadway mega-hit "Hamilton" has canceled an upcoming run at the Kennedy Center after President Trump's recent shake-up of its leadership and proposed "anti-woke" vision for its future. Jeffrey Seller, the show's producer, cited Mr. Trump's overhaul and the center's "new spirit of partisanship" when he announced the cancellation Wednesday. More: CBS News

Beijing is warning the U.S. it is ready to fight “a tariff war, a trade war or any other type of war” after President Donald Trump doubled the tariffs already in place for Chinese imports this week. More: Huff Post

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