Sackless Schumer

Happy Friday. There are 599 days until the midterm elections. Senate Democrats sell us out, waiting for the next Iraq War and reality catches up to Trump’s poll numbers.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. Today it has to use some to cuss out its own goddamn party.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we’re not real sure how to sugarcoat this. Our party is led by a bunch of wimps, wusses and chickenshits. When our leadership isn’t asking you for money, they’re rolling over and playing dead for the fascist fuck and his dork nazi buddy. By now you know that Chuck Schumer and Senate Democrats sold you out. We’re guessing you’re about as pissed the hell off as we are.

There are a lot of reasons he shouldn’t have screwed us all but one big one is that no one named Chuck should ever piss people off. The name lends itself to just way too many crude and simple insults. For example,

Chuck sucks shit

Fuck Chuck

Chuck the Chump’s Chode

Chuck the Choking Cheesedick

Fuck Chuck the Sucky Cuck

You also don’t wanna join Trump in fucking over the American people if your last name starts with an S. Or else you might get…

Suck-Ass Schumer

Shit-eating Schumer

Sorry Sonofabitch Schumer

Sackless Schumer

Is any of this helpful? Not really. But it makes us feel better after being totally sold out. Feel free to add your own Chuck cuss-out in the comments. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Like seriously how fucking embarrassing is this shit?!

Note three: RIP to Rep. Raul Grijalva. At least he didn’t have to watch that crap last night. But really he was a helluva fighter, and we are gonna miss him. More: NBC

Note four: While Schumer was folding like a cheap suit yesterday, Trump was destroying one of the major universities in Chuck’s state. It’s like we always say — if a politician won’t defend their own people, then they sure as shit won’t defend yours. More: HuffPost

Note five: That story gets worse. Homeland Security is now executing search warrants on dorms. More: Daily News

Note six: Need to feel better? Here’s Jarring Dicksneeze (JD) Vance getting booed at the Kennedy Center. We’re sure glad Vance is enjoying himself these days…

Note seven: Need some more good news? Apple just confirmed a fourth season of Ted Lasso is coming. More: People

Note eight: One of the things that’s been overlooked in the bill Schumer caved on is that it will destroy the city of Washington. Those poor folks already don’t have representation. And now we’re doing this to them. More: The Hill

Note nine: After Gavin Newsom acted like a total wuss and let Steve Bannon lie about the 2020 election on Newsom’s podcast, Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear called Newsom out. Thank you, Andy! More: Politico

Note 10: Let’s just do a quick check in on Trump’s American and HOLY FUCKING SHIT ANOTHER PLANE IS ON FIRE…

Note 11: Trump is fucking over farmers again. But we bet they’d still vote for him. Again. At what point do the rest of us get to stop paying for the stupidity of others? More: NBC

Note 12: We thought this was a joke when we first saw it, but apparently Schumer is going on a book tour next week. Excuse us for a second while we go in the backyard and scream.

Note 13: Want to pee yourself from fear a little bit? Elon Leon is now meeting with intel and national security agencies. More: NBC

Note 14: Oh and he’s put 10 of those DOGE dickheads over at Social Security. So that should be fun. More: Wired

Note 15: Try to imagine the coverage if Joe Biden sat in the Oval Office and said he “invaded Los Angeles.”

Note 16: Justa Douchebag (JD) Vance went on Fox last night and refused to rule out a recession even as he quoted John McCain from 2008 and said the “fundamentals of the economy are strong.” Yikes. More: Reuters

Note 17: The stock market tanked again yesterday, and Trump advisers are saying they don’t care. Guess you don’t need a 401k when you’re a billionaire butthead. More: CNN

Note 18: Trump is asking his corrupt and broken SCOTUS to let him skirt the constitution and end birthright citizenship. This should be a slam dunk NO, but who the hell knows with these soulless freaks. More: NBC

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to a Republican town hall where people booed and stood up for what’s right. America ain’t dead yet. And this dude asking the question should be the new Senate Minority Leader.

Note 20: And on that cathartic note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are doing ok after being sold out. But we sure understand if you’re super pissed off. Because we are too. Love y’all!

Sellout Schumer

As you know by now, Senate Democrats caved and fucked us all over. We have heard the nonsense from Schumer about how Elon and Trump actually want a shutdown so they eviscerate the government and HEY CHUCK THEY’RE ALREADY FUCKING DOING THAT AND NOW THEY’LL BE DOING IT WITH BIPARTISAN APPROVAL FROM CONGRESS, YOU WEAK FUCK! What’s worse is that Schumer didn’t just sell us out; he also lied to us. Yeah, Chuck thought we were so dumb that he came up with a plan to let senators vote for cloture and then against the bill, thinking we’d fall for that dumb shit. Why in the world would we continue to support a leader who lies to us and betrays us? Thank you to the House Democrats who stood up for what’s right. We’re so sorry your own party fucked you over.

More: NPR

Iraq Two: Electric Quagmire

If the first Trump administration was a series of Watergate scandals, then it looks like the second one is gonna be that and a bunch of Iraq Wars. Thank goodness Senate Democrats didn’t sell us out back then. Oh right. Anyway, Trump sat in the Oval Office yesterday talking about invading Greenland while the NATO Secretary General laughed like a moron. Greenland didn’t find it funny. We don’t either. Trump is also talking more and more about sending troops to Panama. So how long until he does something really, really stupid and gets us involved in another fucking war?

More: NBC

Sanity?

The bad news is Trump is so much worse than even we thought he’d be. The good news is that people seem to be waking up to it. Just about six months too fucking late. A new Quinnipiac poll out yesterday has Trump’s approval down to 42 percent. He has 54 percent disapproval on the economy, 55 percent disapproval on Ukraine and 58 percent disapproval on Canada. A new Ipsos poll has his approval on foreign policy underwater at 37/48. Even kiss-ass Nate Silver has seen Trump’s aggregate approval drop from +.05 to -1.7 in less than a week. So much for a mandate, right?

More: The Hill

Today’s clips

The North Dakota Senate on Thursday rejected a measure that would have asked the U.S. Supreme Court to overturn its landmark 2015 ruling that legalized same-sex marriage nationwide. More: NBC

More than 50 universities are being investigated for alleged racial discrimination as part of President Donald Trump’s campaign to end diversity, equity and inclusion programs that his officials say exclude white and Asian American students. More: HuffPost

Tiger Woods has found new love with Vanessa Trump. A source close to the Trump family confirms to PEOPLE that Woods, 49, and Trump, 47, have been quietly dating for several months. According to the insider, her ex-husband Donald Trump Jr. is "cool" with the pair being an item. More: People