Thankful

Today’s Big Stuff. November 26, 2024.

It’s Tuesday. There are 706 days until the midterm elections. California messes with Elon Leon, the orange asshead got away with everything and get ready for an idiot to wreck our economy. 

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And we are thankful for it. 

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! How the eff are ya today? Well you smell fantastic. Us? We’re thankful and sexy. Yeah, we know shit is royally fucked up right now and for the foreseeable future. And it would be easy to throw up our hands and just say everything sucks. But we are actually quite grateful. 

Not for Trump or for the dumbshit millions who put his corrupt treasonous ass back in the White House. That’s the fucking worst, it sucks and we’ll deal with that later. But right now we want to talk about how we are extremely grateful for you Sexy Patriots. Y’all have probably heard the story about how we started this newsletter during the first Trump administration as a way to help us and a few friends laugh and cope with the endless dumbfuck chaos of Trumpland. It just kept growing as Sexy Patriots around the world joined us, merging their primal screams of outrage with ours and kindly laughing at our poop jokes. We are now over 140,000 subscribers (which is fucking crazy!) and we just want to say thank you!!!!!!

We don’t know what’s coming, but we do know we’re going to face it together. And we think that’s the best thing TBS has to offer. Our jokes are ok, our news is decent, our looks are smoking hot and our cussing is top-notch. But what we really excel at is letting good and decent people know that they are not alone in their sadness, fear and outrage over the fucked up shit that Trump and his allies do. TBS reminds us that we’re not crazy; those other sonsofbitches are. 

So thank you for joining us, and thank you for keeping us going even in the hard times. Y’all are the fucking best, and there’s nobody we’d rather resist this crazy shit with than you. So this Thanksgiving, we are thankful for all you Sexy Patriots. We sure hope you have a wonderful week and lots of good food. We’re gonna take a couple days off, but we will be back. Because there’s a lot of broke-dick assholes who need a good cussin’. Happy Thanksgiving. Y’all have a blessed day. 

Note two: You’re not gonna believe this, but Nancy Mace isn’t just a psycho hell beast. She’s also completely full of shit. Ok so you will absolutely believe that.

Note three: Oh and for all her bullshit about protecting women, Mace hired an aide who got drunk and broke into a woman’s home. We are also thankful that we are not soulless monster pee like Nancy Mace is. More: Advocate

Note four: It’s not about politics, but Drake is suing Kendrick over the diss track “Not Like Us.” If you don’t know rap, then the best way to explain this is Drake is acting like Lindsey Graham. More: Variety

Note five: Oh this is neat. We were wondering how Trump and the brain worm dipshit were gonna kill us all. 

Note six: Walmart has decided to cut back on its DEI program. If we were getting ready to raise prices because of a bunch of idiotic tariffs, then we’d probably be more focused on that than trying to make racist, sexist assholes happy. More: USA Today

Note seven: HUGE congratulations to Rep.-elect Derek Tran on his narrow win. Buh-bye, Michelle. More: Mercury News

Note eight: This is really funny. HuffPo wrote a story from a leak about how the State Department is worried about leaks to HuffPo. More: HuffPost

Note nine: We LOVE Gibson guitars. That was always true, but it’s even more so now that they’ve sent a cease-and-desist to Trump for ripping off their shit. Git him, Gibson. More: Rolling Stone

Note 10: Laura Ingraham pulled a racism last night. Hell, she probably pulled a few of ‘em, but this one was on her show.

Note 11: Teachers are quitting in Texas like they’re ob-gyns. Ok so that’s not funny, but you get our point. More: New Republic

Note 12: It’s an Election Day in Mississippi where voters are going to decide the winner of a runoff for the state Supreme Court after a right-wing judge was unexpectedly defeated. More: Bolts Mag

Note 13: Lauren Boebert is on cameo. It’s the least gross way she’s ever made a buck, and it’s still pretty fucking gross. More: New Republic

Note 14: Diddy is comparing himself to Trump to get bail. So yeah, that really tells you everything you need to know about our next president. Ugh. More: Business Insider

Note 15: Y’all want to hear something really fucking bleak? We might be counting on Mitch McConnell’s demonic ass to stop Trump’s worst shit. So yeah, that’s how bad things are.

Note 16: Try not to think about how Trump was supposed to be sentenced today. Try to picture Adam with a hat made out of fruit doing a funny dance instead.

Note 17: Thanksgiving dinner is more affordable this year. Thanks, Dark Brandon. Sorry America didn’t give a shit. More: NBC News

Note 18: LOL. Team Trump is already fighting itself after that Boris asshole appeared to be shaking potential appointees and nominees down for bribes. Only the best people, y’all. More: The Guardian

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, Adam is thinking about running for Vice Chair of the DNC. How happy is that?! 

Note 20: And on that glorious note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all enjoy the rest of your week. We hope your Trumpy relatives shut the fuck up. And if you’re traveling, please travel safe. We are so damn lucky to write this newsletter for y’all, and we’ve even luckier that you read it. Love you, Sexy Patriots!

Note 21: And just for the hell of it, here’s the Muppets singing Bohemian Rhapsody…

California knows how to party

Elon Leon Musk isn’t happy. Of course he doesn’t ever seem happy unless he’s trolling. But now he’s really mad as California Gov. Gavin Newsom has decided to fuck with him a little bit. With Trump and Elon Leon threatening to end tax rebates for electric cars, Newsom is promising to offer a similar program in California. But there’s a catch. Newsom doesn’t want to include Teslas. Now how fucking funny is that? Elon Leon was super pissed, calling the proposal “insane” even though he routinely trashes the Golden State. If Newsom goes through with this, he will make us even bigger fans than we already are.

More: Business Insider

Goddamnit

So there’s no other way to say this — Trump fucking got away with everything. Yesterday Special Counsel Jack Smith and Judge Tanya Chutkan dismissed the election interference case against Trump, and then Smith dismissed the stolen documents case too. So yeah, when they told us in grade school that nobody is above the law, they were fucking lying. Because Donald Trump attacked our Capitol while attempting a coup and stole a shitload of classified documents on the way out the door and got away with everything. So yeah, that sucks. We hate Trump, the Supreme Court and, yes, Merrick Garland. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

More: NBC

Here we go 

If you need to buy a major appliance, do it now. Because shit is getting ready to get really expensive. Yesterday Trump announced his plans to go through with his idiotic tariff idea, announcing 25 percent tariffs on all goods coming from Mexico and Canada and 10 percent on all goods coming from China. But don’t worry. The tariffs go away just as soon as immigration does. We wish we were kidding. So buy your televisions and avocados now because a very stupid man is about to make everything more expensive because he has no fucking idea how tariffs work.

More: AP News

Today’s clips

Peach and Blossom are the two lucky turkeys from Minnesota who escaped a fowl fate of ending up on someone's Thanksgiving table this year when they were pardoned Monday by President Biden at the White House. More: ABC

Millions of Americans with obesity would be eligible to have popular weight-loss drugs like Wegovy or Ozempic covered by Medicare or Medicaid under a new rule the Biden administration proposed Tuesday morning. More: HuffPost