THE MORONS ARE COMING!

It’s Monday. There are 22 days until Election Day. VP Harris calls out an orange chicken, Trump wants to use the military on Americans and we can still hold the Senate, y’all.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. The other newsletters wish they could too.

Note: Hey there, Sexy Patriots. Y’all are looking extra Sexy and Patriotic today so we don’t wanna freak you out or nuthin’ but there’s something we think you should know. AMERICA’S HITLER IS LIKE THREE FUCKING WEEKS AWAY FROM POSSIBLY ENDING OUR COUNTRY AS WE KNOW IT!!! Yeah, that dumb orange sonofabitch has lost what’s left of his mind, he’s planning to take a wrecking ball to the decent parts of this country, polls are all over the dang place and so this feels like a good time for a pep talk.

We were hoping the reputable news media would sound this alarm, but they’ve totally blown it so that just leaves us. Fuck. Oh well, let’s Paul Revere this shit. THE MORONS ARE COMING! THE MORONS ARE COMING! THE MORONS ARE COMING! Spread the word far and wide. Let them know there’s a giant cloud of shit coming to America if we don’t take a stand right here and now. We’re basically like the Goonies of Democracy.…