There are five days until Election Day 👻

Today’s Big Stuff. October 31, 2024. Happy Halloween!

It’s Thursday. There are five days until Election Day. SCOTUS screws us, Elon Leon is a scumbag and Team Trump goes full anti-vaxx. 

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It could really use a cigarette too. 

Note: Sexy Patriots! How the hell are ya? Yeah, us too. Everything is fucking stupid and getting stupider by the gosh dang minute. The relentless chaos and bullshit of the homestretch is stretching us all to our limits. Thank goodness for the comic relief that is Rudy Giuliani.

For those of you who are new to TBS, you might not know how much we LOVE making fun of Rudy, or Doodie Pooliani as he is sometimes known. He is a walking and decomposing metaphor for what Trump does to people, and we have taken endless joy in watching his humiliating fall. From his Four Season silliness to that time it looked like he was having diarrhea out of his forehead to the Borat movie to Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss taking his house, the man is a more consistent source of comedy than the damn Simpsons. And his latest is no exception. Because Rudy is being sued for sexual harassment, and yesterday in court, he had his mic muted because he couldn’t behave…

LOL! WHAT?! Rudy, stop fucking grossing us all out! You’re gonna make us hurl! Can’t this gross sonofabitch just go off and harass his own disgusting self for a while? Like we obviously appreciate the laughs, especially at such a tense time, but seriously, dude, get some help. Or go shit out of your face again. To be honest, we don’t really care which. Y’all have a blessed day. More: Courthouse News

Note two: We should have made that a Halloween post, but for some reason we’re really not digging pumpkins these days. And goodness knows we all already have enough shit to scare us these days. But still, we love you and we hope you have a Happy Halloween so here’s a Jackass-o-lantern. 

Note three: Phew. Have you ever seen a worse picture of a person? The whole internet is calling him an Oompa Loompa sex doll. 

Note four: The front page of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel today is about how prices are gonna go up if Trump gets his tariffs. Doesn’t sound like smart politics to us, but you saw the picture of the guy who wants to do it. (PAYWALL no link)

Note five: HUGE congratulations to Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff (and Sam) and the Los Angeles Dodgers on winning the World Series. We don’t know why, but this feels like a good omen. More: ESPN

Note six: Trump is spending the day with RFK Jr and Tucker Carlson. So yeah, they’re not even pretending to be normal down the stretch.

Note seven: Did y’all see Orangey almost fall over trying to get in a truck yesterday? He seems like he’s doing great.

Note eight: Oops! Republican Maryland U.S. Senate candidate Larry Hogan has been busted bragging about Trump’s endorsement even though he’s said publicly he doesn’t want it. So he’s a damn liar. More: CNN

Note nine: A Republican PAC in Georgia is telling people to vote for Jill Stein. Gosh, it’s almost like she’s nothing but a Putin-loving spoiler candidate for Trump. Politico

Note 10: Some pretty chilling shit last night as the 78-year-old who was dressed like a garbage man and also happens to be an adjudicated rapist said he’s going to protect women “whether they like it or not.” Sure sounds rapey to us. More: The Guardian

Note 11: Jennifer Aniston endorsed VP Harris. We definitely needed the Friends vote. More: People

Note 12: How embarrassing for Trump! Nicky Jam, the reggaeton star who Trump thought was a woman at one of his rallies, has rescinded his endorsement after Trump refused to condemn the “comedian” who attacked Puerto Rico at the Trump rally last Sunday. Good for Nicky! More: NBC

Note 13: Need some good news today? Well here ya go…

Note 14: Trump is no longer attending the Penn State-Ohio State game this weekend. Probably because he’s losing Pennsylvania, but it might also be because he can’t physically get in the truck to go there. More: Penn Live

Note 15: Elon Leon Musk has become a one-man wrecking crew against American democracy. The lies he spews to millions of people every day are causing very real problems for election officials. At what point does he get arrested for voter fraud? More: CNN

Note 16: This is probably a dumb question, but have you voted yet? 

Note 17: Thank you to the Las Vegas Sun for being the only newspaper to talk about Trump’s obvious “mental illness.” More: HuffPost

Note 18: Elon Leon is supposed to be in court today to answer for his efforts to buy votes. Seriously, this motherfucker needs to go to jail. More: CNBC

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, just listen to this massive crowd welcome VP Harris to Madison last night…

Note 20: And for a second Halloween Happy Ending, here’s President Obama cracking up at a baby dressed like the pope…

Note 21: And on that adorable note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all have a Happy Halloween. Don’t eat too much candy. Or do. We’re not your mom. Love y’all!

Goddamnit

Virginia Republicans have engaged in an illegal voter purge that is too close to the election and we know they have booted legal voters. The lower courts have all ruled unanimously that Gov. Glenn Youngkin has to stop. But our corrupt and broken Supreme Court sided with Youngkin yesterday in what is a terribly concerning preview of things to come. All three liberal justices dissented, and really this one is pretty fucked up. It almost certainly guarantees that other Republican governors will pull this same shit.

More: Vox

Lock him up

We know we keep calling for Elon Leon to go to jail but there’s good reason — he appears to be a human trafficker. Yeah, a new report yesterday revealed that the people Leon is paying to canvass for Trump aren’t being told what they’re doing, are being flown to Michigan, stuck in the backs of seatless U-haul trucks and told they can’t stay in a hotel or eat if they don’t hit their target numbers. So yeah, that sounds a lot like human trafficking. We’re only half joking when we say that Leon should be locked up. And if Trump loses, you have to wonder if DOJ might think the same thing. 

More: Wired

Halloween scare

The head of Trump’s transition team was on CNN last night revealing that he has gone full anti-vaxx. Yeah, while being questioned by Kaitlin Collins, Trump transition co-chair Howard Lutnick made clear that he is now anti-vaxx and he wants to put RFK Jr. in a position to prove that all vaccines are bad. You are right to be concerned about this. Imagine COVID if the Trump administration had been actively working against vaccines. It’s not an exaggeration to say a whole lot of people are probably gonna die if Trump wins. And a lot of people already did die.

More: NY Mag

Today’s clips

With only days to go before the Nov. 5 election, the presidential campaign of Vice President Kamala Harris got some good news in the form of solid economic readings this week. More: HuffPost

As a presidential race profoundly shaped by Americans' frustration with high prices nears its end, the government said Thursday that an inflation gauge closely watched by the Federal Reserve has dropped to near pre-pandemic levels. More: ABC