Today Blows
Today’s Big Stuff. January 20, 2025.
It’s Monday. There are 652 days until the midterm elections. Fuck this shit.
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. Everybody should today.
Note: Hey there, Sexy Patriots! And how much does today suck goat balls? Exactly! That’s why we decided not to do a full edition today. We decided we’d rather cut off our own buttcheeks and eat them than be engaged during dumbfuck’s big day. So we just wanted to pop in real quick to do three things. The first is to remind you about the fart noise at noon ET. We’ll be marking The Shittening with a nationwide fart noise. Please join us and be loud.
The second reason for today’s TBS is to remind you that today is going to be hard as fuck and it’s ok if you’re really down in the dumps. This shit sucks. It really sucks. It’s ok to not be ok about it. Take some time for some self-care today. Or better yet, volunteer to help someone else and honor Dr. King by being of service to your fellow human being. But mostly just remember that we are in this fucking nightmare together, and you are sure as shit not alone in this mess.
And lastly, we just had to make fun of the chickenshittiest chickenshit to ever be shit out of a chicken that is Mr. Fraidy Cat Donald Trump who is too much of a softy wuss to have his inauguration outside. Hims afwaid because hims gets cold easy and then hims pees himself. Either that or he knows he’s worse than a pile of demon shit and he would get a small crowd size to match his small weiner. Regardless, this taint-faced weakling is getting off to a bad start as a dictator by being too delicate to handle the cold. It’s almost like the spoiled rotten draft-dodging game show host isn’t a portrait of masculinity after all.
And on that note, we’re gonna go do anything other than watch this country flush itself down the shitter. We’ll be back tomorrow ready to catch up on the news and plot how to save this country. Hang in there, SPs. We love you, and we ain’t going anywhere. Y’all have a blessed day.
P.S. this happened this morning:
Today sucks donkey dicks. With that in mind:
Got this from a fellow D via messenger: OPERATION TANK THE INAUGURATION
In order to tank the inauguration TV ratings (something the orange values a lot) we were advised to keep the TV on, but just have it on HGTV, the Food Channel or any channel that is NOT broadcasting the inauguration.
They count the number of TVs on and what they are tuned to. The goal is to have many TVs on but not on the inauguration…it will tank the inauguration ratings. Keep your tvs on and on the other channels. It’s a form of protest and rebellion you can do today.
Here is an alternative channel, if you can do YouTube on your TV -- or you just want to watch something cute: https://www.youtube.com/live/ICFiwn3-SOA?si=Yc2qd4HJdHnLZdSx
MeidasTouch+ is showing Puppies and Kittens Inauguration all day!
My friends and I are going to an MLK Day March and Celebration this morning and hanging out with great people, food, and music.
And YAY for Dark Brandon!