We all pay for Don Jr.’s ex to go away

Today’s Big Stuff. December 11, 2024.

It’s Wednesday. There are 691 days until the midterm elections. Trump says billionaires can do whatever they want to America, we all pay for Don Jr.’s ex to go away and the last Trump administration spied on Congress.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least nobody ever exiled it to Greece.

Note: Sexy Patriots! We done messed up. Yesterday we shared with you that Trump was looking at Kari Lake to be ambassador to Mexico and then we all had a good cuss about it. Well it turns out she didn’t get the job. Sorry to mislead you. But we ain’t sorry she didn’t get the job because she is seriously the fucking worst. More on Bluesky

You’re reading this right, SPs — Kari Lake fucking lost again lololol. This has to be some kind of record. She’s lost a governor’s race, she’s lost a Senate race and she’s lost her fucking mind. She’s the goddamn Washington Generals of Trumpian politics. It’s even more beautiful when you remember the disgusting personal smear campaign she ran against Reuben Gallego because his absentee father was in prison. Hey Kari, you’ve got a phone call. It’s Karma and she says payback, motherfucker.

This brings us to today’s topic — small victories. The next few years are gonna suck. There’s just no sugar-coating that. But there will be times we win, and we will need to embrace and savor those wins to sustain us through the shit times. And Kari Lake being once again humiliated while also not being in a position to start a war with Mexico is one of those wins. So fuck off, Kari. And fuck off to Ronald “Ron” Johnson, the guy we’ve never heard of who actually did get the gig. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Btw it is freaking hilarious now many news organizations thought Trump was nominating Sen. Ron Johnson and used his picture instead. So we’re not the only ones who have never heard of Ronald Johnson. Still, it’s safe to assume the guy is a total asshole.

Note three: Mitch McConnell fell yesterday. He falls a lot because he had polio as a kid. And now we wait and see if he’s going to help the Republican Party bring back polio for everyone. More: CNN

Note four: The Wisconsin Justice Department isn’t run by Merrick Garland’s wimp ass so it’s still going after people who attempted a coup against the United States. Thanks, Wisconsin! More: Associated Press

Note five: This fucking sucks. A gutless chickenshit judge halted the sale of InfoWars to the Onion and ended up just making a big damn mess. More: Bluesky

Note six: Nancy Mace claims she was assaulted last night. We don’t believe her but only because she lies about everything. Read this but get ready to be super pissed… More: Imprint News

Note seven: We still can’t believe that dude’s name is Luigi. Like have you ever even met a Luigi who wasn’t in a video game?

Note eight: New York ain’t done with Trump just yet. Both Alvin Bragg and Letitia James said the show must go on and they’re not dismissing shit. Hallelujah. More: CNN

Note nine: We don’t usually get involved in internal races for House positions because why the hell would we? But we’re endorsing AOC for House Oversight. She’s been kicking ass on these committees, she was a powerful ally to Pelosi and Biden and she’s a fighter. More: NBC News

Note 10: Um, Syria is already better at this shit than Trump and the Republican Party… More: Bluesky

Note 11: Trump gave a made-up award to Tucker Carlson and Kid Rock. We’re guessing it wasn’t for hygiene. More: The Express Tribune

Note 12: Congratulations to Caitlin Clark who has been named as Time’s Athlete of the Year. It was gonna go to Aaron Rodgers but he sucks. More: Time

Note 13: Prices rose 2.7 percent last month. But it’s nothing that tax cuts for super rich shitheads won’t fix, right?

Note 14: Eric Trump went to a foreign country and promised his daddy is gonna be all about crypto. So yeah, America is about to get scammed to hell and back. More: Semafor

Note 15: We were gonna say Scott Jennings is the scummiest scumfuck on the planet. But then we remembered that the jackals at CNN who hired him are worse. Watch on Bluesky

Note 16: The Amazing Kreskin died. We assume he saw it coming. RIP. More: Hollywood Reporter

Note 17: This is a bad look. Democratic Rep. Josh Gottheimer is running for governor in New Jersey and he just got busted using a fake Spotify Wrapped to make himself look like a big Springsteen fan. Yikes. More: NJ.com

Note 18: Things can and will get dumber! RFK Jr. wants his daughter-in-law to be a top person at the CIA. So goddamn dumb. More: Axios

Note 19: Today’s Happy Ending ain’t all that happy but can we please save the fucking butterflies?! More: Bluesky

Note 20: And on that angry note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope you’re having a great week. And if you’re not, just remember that it could be worse and you could be Kari Lake. Love y’all!

Country for sale!
Yesterday Trump took to social media to announce that any person or company who pledges to invest $1 billion or more in the United States can rest assured that they won’t have to deal with any pesky regulations. He even specified environmental regulations. So yeah, Trump is offering to sell the nation to rich corrupt fuckheads and let them break and destroy as much of the country as they like. The good news is he probably can’t do this, but it’s nice to know where we’re headed. More: Associated Press

Bye, Kim
Our deepest apologies to the people of Greece. We’ve just done something awful to them. Now that Don Jr. has a new girlfriend, his daddy has made the ex-girlfriend our ambassador to Greece. Yeah, the best is yet to come for Kim Guilfoyle, and we actually mean that. She’s a garbage human being, but we’re happy for anyone who gets away from Don Jr. What we’re not happy about is using our tax dollars and the U.S. government to make rich kid exes go away. More: Politico

Sounds bad
Just weeks before Trump is set to be sworn in again, we’re still learning about fucked up shit he did the last time he was in office. The last Trump Justice Department spied on Eric Swalwell and Adam Schiff as part of a leak investigation. They also spied on the media and congressional staffers, including Kash Patel. Of course the Inspector General who released this information doesn’t think anyone should be charged for it. Makes sense since they’re probably about to start doing it again. More: CNN

Today’s clips
President Joe Biden on Tuesday said he was “stupid” not to have added his name to coronavirus pandemic relief checks, which his predecessor-turned-imminent-successor, President-elect Donald Trump, did in 2020. More: Huff Post

Strong winds continue to fuel the fast-moving, 3,000-acre Malibu wildfire that has destroyed homes and forced authorities to issue evacuation orders to around 20,000 people in Los Angeles County, California. More: NBC News

House Republicans have tucked a provision into a must-pass defense bill that would strip health care from military families’ transgender kids, putting parents in a position of having to choose between their careers in the military and providing medically necessary health care for their loved ones. More: Huff Post