We now know who’s really in charge

It’s Wednesday. There are 629 days until the midterm elections. The free speech folks are full of it, Trump begins selling out Ukraine and we now know who’s really in charge.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And lately Adam and Sam have been laying in a field spelling out the letters F and U with their bodies in case one of Elon’s satellites sees them.

Note: Ya know, Sexy Patriots, fascism is bad enough on its own. It totally sucks that we have to live even one second of our lives under a repressive regime. But goddamnit it’s so much worse when that regime is made up of a bunch of shit-for-brains morons who think the purpose of America is to kiss gameshow host ass…

Jesus tap-dancing Christ. Really?! This is what we’re doing now? Ok fine. We’re onboard. You can change the name of Greenland right after you change the name of this country. And since we think Buddy Carter is a moronic asshead, we decided not to ask him for suggestions and instead came up with some on our own…

• The United States of Are You Fucking Kidding?!

• Dumbfuck Poophead Asshole Place

• America but Covered in Trump Shit

• That Place That Used to Be Smart and Have Dignity

• Stupidia

• Buddy Carter Sucks Mangy Goat Nuts Country

• New Russia

• Don’t Look at Us We’re From Toronto Land

• ‘Murica

• Racist Land Mass #4

• Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

What do you think, SPs? Let us know in the comments, and please offer your own suggestions. We’re all ears and double middle-fingers. Y’all have a blessed day. Except Buddy Carter. He can go fuck himself.

Note two: That CBS poll from this weekend had us a little messed up. This Marquette poll showing Trump with a 48/52 approval feels a little better. But still what the fuck, America? More: WSAW

Note three: The Trump-Elon body count has started. The cuts to USAID have claimed their first victim. More: Telegraph

Note four: Egg prices and inflation are still going up. Thanks, Trump. More: The Guardian

Note five: Don’t expect any more interest rate cuts anytime soon. They have to save shit like that for after Trump fucks up the economy. More: CNBC

Note six: This kid had the right idea. Now we want to wipe our boogers on Trump’s desk too.

Note seven: The first “DOGE” subcommittee hearing is today and we are fucking losing it that Jasmine Crockett is on social media calling them “DOGE Douchebags.” This is the way.

Note eight: What Trump and Elon Leon are doing to the CFPB is absolute bullshit. Fucking over the people on behalf of the people, right? More: NPR

Note nine: We’re gonna warn you right now that this story is going to piss you off. We are trying like hell to be patient with the leadership of our own party, but that patience is wearing thin. It’s also worth remembering that Axios sucks and kisses Republican ass. Still… More: Axios

Note 10: Here’s some news you can use, SPs. We’ll be deep in the cold, cold ground before we recognize the Gulf of America.

Note 11: Pete Hegseth is embarrassing the shit out of himself in Europe. First he got booed by a bunch of American kids who staged a walk-out on his visit, and then he forgot how to say “E pluribus unum.” We’re starting to think it was a mistake to make a drunken alleged rapist to be Secretary of Defense. More: The Guardian, HuffPost

Note 12: New York Gov. Kathy Hochul isn’t going to remove compromised NYC Mayor Eric Adams. With friends like her, who needs enemas? More: Politico

Note 13: Trump got an American released from Russia, which is great, but HE WON’T FUCKING TELL US WHAT HE GAVE UP FOR HIM!!! More: The Hill

Note 14: We talk about a lot of bad news, but we want to give a shout out to Illinois Gov. J.B. Pritzker, one of many elected Democrats around the country who is still working his ass off for the people. Thanks, J.B.! More: NBC Chicago

Note 15: An Apartheid enthusiast is ransacking the federal government, terrorizing people online and enriching himself in the process. But he finally admitted yesterday he might be totally full of shit…

Note 16: This Trump-Gaza shit is really sick, and we wish it would stop like now. Trump doesn’t seem to just want another Iraq. He seems to want like four more Iraqs. More: CNN

Note 17: Ford says Trump’s bullshit tariffs are gonna lead to lay-offs. Can someone tell us why this country thought this dumb motherfucker was good for the economy? More: Freep

Note 18: Rep. Anna Paulina Luna, whose grandfather was an actual Nazi soldier, said she’s going to investigate the JFK assassination by calling members of the Warren Commission to testify. Unfortunately for her, they’ve been dead for a while because that shit happened more than 60 fucking years ago. More: Latin Times

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we were gonna share that story about Lauren Boebert getting into a cab with Kid Rock, but we didn’t want you to hurl all over your screen. So instead here’s a reminder that there are people fighting back against all the crazy and all the stupid…

Note 20: And on that much-needed note, let’s go do some news. We sure hope your week is going ok and that everything that sucks isn’t getting you down too bad. Hang in there, SPs. Love y’all!

Note 21: And fuck it. Here’s that Boebert story. Just keep a bucket nearby. More: Blast

Free speech (for nazis only)

The White House took a giant steaming dump on the First Amendment yesterday, refusing to allow the Associated Press to cover Trump in the Oval Office because they won’t call it the Gulf of America in their style guide. So yes this is the U.S. government censoring and coercing an independent news organization to use words dictated by them. Somewhat surprisingly, the AP held firm and refused to cave. We saw other press organizations, including the gutless White House Correspondents Association, get the AP’s back. As well they should. If the press folds here, then Trump will be their new editor.

More: AP News

This sucks

We told you about Hegseth’s embarrassing European tour, but we didn’t tell you that the most embarrassing part was the speech he gave this morning in which he started laying out how Trump plans to surrender Ukraine to Russia. Hegseth said Ukraine can’t join NATO and they can’t have the parts of their country back that Russia invaded. So basically these pussies are surrendering to Putin and rewarding his illegal invasion. Gosh. Who could’ve seen that coming except everyone with a fucking brain?

More: CNN

President Leon

So for weeks we’ve all been talking about how the South African racist weirdo is the actual president, but now it seems to be official. TPM’s Josh Marshall noticed an Executive Order yesterday that essentially puts Elon and that DOGESHIT in charge of the entire executive branch of the federal government with Elon spies on hand and everyone reporting to him. If you’re looking for a comparison, the Soviet Union comes to mind. Resist, SPs. Resist it all.

More: TPM

Trump Golf Track

TrumpGolfTrack.com

Today’s clips

Attorneys for a group of news organizations, including NPR, said in a legal filing on Tuesday that evidence used at the sentencing of a rioter charged in the Jan. 6, 2021 attack on the U.S. Capitol had "disappeared" from an online government platform. More: NPR

Liberal Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor said Tuesday that courts must use their “soft power” to persuade people to comply with rulings on contentious issues. More: NBC

Two of President Trump’s most controversial Cabinet nominees face floor votes on Wednesday in the Senate. More: The Hill

Eight government watchdogs have sued over their mass firing that removed oversight of President Donald Trump’s new administration. More: HuffPost

CNBC anchors Becky Quick and Joe Kernen were alarmed as stock futures “tanked” as Rick Santelli reported “hot” numbers showing a worse-than-expected CPI in the January inflation report, which Kernen called “our worst nightmare!” More: Mediaite