White West Point

It’s Wednesday. There are 636 days until the midterm elections. Dismantling the CIA, West Point is looking Whites Only and Trump effs up the Super Bowl.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s also thinking about drinking some shit it found under the kitchen sink.

Note: Ya know, Sexy Patriots, it gives us no pleasure to say this, but shit is royally fucked up and getting worse by the dang minute. And it gives us even less pleasure to say we fucking told people this is what would happen. So we’re not gonna do that. We’re not gonna say we-fucking-told-you-so to anyone even as the depth and breadth of Trump’s destructive aims comes into focus…

So yeah, you can see where a we-fucking-told-you-so might come in handy here. But it’s important we be gracious. It’s important we not say HEY WE FUCKING WARNED YOU THAT THIS MANIAC IS A RACIST RAPIST MONSTER WHO WILL SPREAD DEATH AND DESTRUCTION TO EVERY CORNER OF THE GODDAMN GLOBE. No matter how good it might feel. Politics is the art of addition; not subtraction. We want to be welcoming. So definitely don’t say YOU FUCKING IDIOTS HAVE DOOMED US TO HELL ON EARTH WHEN WE COULD HAVE HAD NICE SHIT HOPE IT WAS WORTH IT FOR THE CHEAPER GROCERIES THAT ARE MORE EXPENSIVE YOU FUCKING SONSOFBITCHES.

So yeah, please don’t go around saying I-told-you-so. It’s not nice. Just say loolee-diddle-doo. It’s cute, we’ll know what you mean and it’s way better than THANKS A SHITLOAD, YOU FUCKING MAGA/JILL STEIN ASSHEADS. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We hope you gorgeous freedom fighters are doing ok. We know this country is losing a lot right now, but don’t forget that we’ve still got each other. If things get too dark, please remember that the suicide hotline is 988 and please remember that you’re sexy and we need you here to help us cuss the assholes. Keep your heads up, SPs.

Note three: Btw, you now that really stupid fucking idea Trump has to do some ethnic cleansing and then do Iraq War 2: Electric Boogaloo? Well John Fettermanchin thinks it’s an interesting idea that he could get behind. We think John Fettermanchin should enlist and be the first soldier over there. How does that sound, Uncle Fester? More: Inquirer

Note four: Oh and Fettermanchin was the only Democrat to vote to confirm election denier Pam Bondi as AG yesterday. As the Philly Inquirer’s Will Bunch pointed out, Bondi literally tried to have Fetterman’s vote thrown out in 2020. What a fucking dunce. If you’re thinking about challenging him in a primary, please let us know. We’re game. More: CBS

Note five: While way too many Senate Democrats continue to be massive disappointments, House Democrats are starting to take to the streets to fight back. THIS is the energy we’re looking for…

Note six: You’re living through a coup. If it feels stressful, that’s only because it’s a coup and you’re a normal human being with a heart. Just remember that the people performing the coup are dorks and losers who have sex with inflatable dolls and couches. More: New Republic

Note seven: Trump and Elon Leon have killed USAID. It’s still got a pulse, but they killed it. That means they’ve killed a lot of children too. Sick fucks. More: NBC

Note eight: Oh and they are serious about resegregating the government. They are literally going after Black women. They want a Whites Only workforce. More: NBC

Note nine: Vox has a helpful story today about how we’re becoming Hungarian and what we can do to stop it. We don’t fucking want to be Hungarian. More: Vox

Note 10: Anybody else sick of psycho shitheads playing dress up and calling for blood?

Note 11: After legitimizing Elon Leon and his illegal bullshit for weeks, Ro Khanna has finally figured out Elon Leon might not be on the level. But we won’t forget. He can’t un-kiss that ass. More: Punchbowl

Note 12: The postal service canceled all mail from China and Hong Kong. And then it reversed course less than 24 hours. Well-oiled machine. More: CNN

Note 13: We think Stephen A. Smith is a first-class clown who makes ESPN almost unwatchable. We also think it’s pathetic the way he kisses Sean Hannity’s ample ass. But he’s right about Hegseth and DEI. More: HuffPost

Note 14: Andreesen-Horowitz hired the guy who murdered that homeless person on the subway. You might recall a recent NYT interview in which Andreesen said he became a conservative because libs were mean to him. Sure, champ. And we made you hire a murderer too. More: Yahoo Finance

Note 15: Yesssssss! More! More! More!

Note 16: Wow! FireAid is expected to bring in more than $100 million to help L.A. recover. And that’s a really good thing because the federal government is broken and the president of the United States hates California. More: NPR

Note 17: Remember when Trump used a sharpie to make a hurricane bigger? Well now he’s sent Elon Elon and his army of nerd boys to take over NOAA so the sharpie will be official. This is so fucking bad. More: NPR

Note 18: Apparently Elon Leon has been reminded by the White House that his power is unlimited. Or at least that’s what they’re telling the press. The rest of us can actually see what’s happening and we sure as shit didn’t elect that fucking dork. More: NBC

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we had somehow missed this one. But a Black church that was vandalized by the Proud Boys now owns the name Proud Boys. Sure it’s a stupid name that nobody wants, but they also get whatever money is raised in the name of Proud Boys. LOL. Suck it, nazis. More: Washingtonian

Note 20: And on that much-needed note, let’s go do some news! And please remember to tell everyone you know who voted for Trump to looolee-diddle-poo. Or just tell them to eat shit. Love y’all!

Terrorists welcome

John Mulaney used to have this bit about how he was glad Trump was out of office so he could stop defending a fucked up agency like the FBI. That’s how we feel about the news that Trump is trying to dismantle the CIA by offering buyouts to the entire agency workforce. It’s not a coincidence that Trump and Elon Leon have started with the groups that Putin hates the most. In fact, it’s quite obvious. It’s worth remember that despite the repeated and costly fuck-ups of the intel community, they were right about Russia invading Ukraine. That’s how intel is supposed to work, and it just didn’t matter.

More: CNN

White West Point

The anti-DEI efforts to resegregate America have hit our military academies. West Point has ordered clubs like the National Society of Black Engineers Club, the Japanese Forum Club, Society of Women Engineers Club and the Latin Cultural Club to shut down. Remember when we all spent years arguing the birther guy is an obvious racist and the mainstream media laughed at us? Well fuck them.

More: Time

Not so super

We’ve been pretty excited about the Super Bowl. We’ve been especially keen to see how Kendrick Lamar finishes off Drake. But of course this is America in 2025 so Trump has already fucking ruined it. Not only is Trump going to the game, but the NFL has decided to get rid of the END RACISM sign they paint in the endzone. We’re sure this is not a coincidence.

More: USA Today, NBC

Trump Golf Track

Today’s clips

CNN senior data correspondent Harry Enten was stunned by the plunge in Elon Musk’s popularity since before President Donald Trump was first elected — and the unpopularity of Musk’s role in the current administration. More: Mediaite

The odds of a government shutdown are surging as President Trump battles Democrats over efforts to freeze funding and Republicans brawl internally over the size and scope of potential cuts. More: The Hill

Almost a year after the deadly collapse of Baltimore’s Francis Scott Key Bridge, Maryland officials on Tuesday unveiled their designs for its replacement, which will be taller and better protected against ship strikes. More: NBC

A group of FBI agents sued the U.S. Justice Department in a lawsuit on Tuesday, asking a federal judge to step in and stop the publication of a list they say the bureau is actively compiling of agents who worked on Jan. 6 cases or helped investigate President Donald Trump while he was criminally indicted. More: HuffPost