Wreck the Economy Day

It’s Wednesday. There are 580 days until the midterm elections. Senate Democrats (kinda) get in the game, a word about Cory and it’s Wreck the Economy Day.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it doesn’t have the stamina to cuss for 25 hours straight. Respect.

Note: Sexy Patriots!!! How the hell are you today?! Well we’re damn glad to hear it. We are too. Yeah, thanks to the good people of Wisconsin, we are walking tall today. Sure things are still a total fucking mess, but this was a win we needed and this was a win that sent a message. What was that message? Oh we’re so glad you asked. We talked to every single person in Wisconsin last night and combined their answers into this message. They asked us to address it to “Elon and his idiot orange friend. It reads as follows…

Who the fuck do you think you are? You weird motherfucker. You think you can come to our country, get billions of our tax dollars in your pocket, sling around some nazi salutes, fuck with our veterans, fuck with our social security, fuck with our health and then come buy our votes? Well fuck you, freak! This is another one of your ideas that exploded in your face. Yeah, take your weird dork nazi ass back to wherever the hell you came from. And take that fucking Cheesehead hat off! You haven’t earned that! Do you know what Wisconsin means? It means eat shit and fuck off, South African. Ok it actually means “river running through a red place” but they really meant that other thing. And thanks for pissing away some of your money in our state, you fucking loser. That’s right, pal, you’re a loser. With a big fucking L on that giant fucking forehead. Now go plop that giant melon of yours back up Trump’s ass and stay the fuck out of Wisconsin. Your cheese curd pass has just been revoked.

Ok we didn’t actually talk to everyone in Wisconsin, but we think this is what they’d say. And it felt so fucking good to write. Thank you, Wisconsin!!! Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: By the way, if you take away anything from the last 40 or so hours, just remember that we make our own destiny in this country. We’ve still got to endure a whole lot of cruel stupidity, but hope sure as shit ain’t dead and you’re goddamn right we’re going to have elections. Keep your heads up, Sexy Patriots. And thank you for everything you did to win in Wisconsin and over-perform in Florida. We’re damn grateful.

Note three: Do you have to work today? If so, then you’re not a House Republican. Yeah, Mike Little Johnson got mad that a Republican woman wanted to be able to vote from home after giving birth, he lost a vote and then he sent everyone home so he could pout. This is good news because if they were at work, they were gonna pass a lot of dumb and evil shit. More: Axios

Note four: Some really horrible and sobering news yesterday as the CDC, NIH and FDA were all destroyed. They even fired the guy who just had a breakthrough against Parkinson’s. You can only conclude at this point that the brain worm asshole is a Mengele-type character who wants to kill as many of us as possible. Just great. More: USA Today, WIRED

Note five: Elon Leon Melvin Musk is having a very, very bad week. And we can’t stop laughing.

Note six: Btw, that dude went on twitter and said he “expected to lose” in Wisconsin. LOL! Sure, champ. That’s why you spent $25 million there. Can you imagine being gullible enough to believe that shit?

Note seven: By the way, we didn’t just kick ass in Wisconsin and Florida last night. We also sent some Republicans in Illinois to early retirement. Looking good, Illinois! More: WTTW

Note eight: It’s hard to describe how wrecked we are over Val Kilmer dying. It’s just amazing how many great movies that man made. Top Secret!, Real Genius, Top Gun, The Doors, Heat, Tombstone, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and on and on. RIP to a tremendous talent. We’re watching Heat tonight. More: Hollywood Reporter

Note nine: Mayor Eric Adams officially got away with his crimes. Man, this country is a goddamn mess. More: CNN

Note 10: Meet Sen. Jim Banks. He’s a total fucking asshole. This guy represent all of you, Indiana?

Note 11: Trump is attacking Mitch McConnell, Rand Paul, Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski because they’ve signed on with Democrats to try and stop the stupid tariffs against Canada. The funniest part is that Trump seems to really think he can tax fentanyl. He ain’t the brightest. More: The Hill

Note 12: Trump’s buddy Viktor Orban tried to cancel Hungary’s Pride celebrations. It’s not going great for him. More: The Guardian

Note 13: The Washington Post wrote a ridiculous story attempting to legitimize Trump’s Greenland bullshit. We shouldn’t act surprised. We’ve known since Iraq that WaPo is pro-quagmire. NO GODDAMN LINK

Note 14: Yesterday we told you how Leon Elon’s assholes were trying to steal a $500 million building in D.C. For reasons we will never understand, a federal judge said it was ok. More: wusa9.com

Note 15: We had a lot of clips to choose from today, but you have to see Boebert being a total Boebert…

Note 16: Doug Emhoff’s law firm became the latest to completely surrender and pay Trump a bribe. What a goddamn disgrace. More: Business Insider

Note 17: Elon Leon’s goons fired the whole LIHEAP staff. If you don’t know what that is, it’s the thing that keeps millions of Americans from freezing to death during the winter. More: NBC

Note 18: How do we know these assholes aren’t serious about combating antisemitism? Well, they removed all the photos of Jewish women graduates of the Naval Academy before Pete Hegseth came for a visit. Ya know, just normal nazi shit. More: Daily Kos

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we want to show you this clip from Sen. Booker’s record-setting speech yesterday. We’ll talk more about it in a minute, but damn just take in the breathtaking and welcome humility of a servant leader…

Note 20: And on that beautiful note, let’s go do some news! If you’re like us, you really needed that Booker speech and some big wins. These last few months have been bleak as hell, but we ain’t dead yet. Love y’all!

Getting closer

Setting Booker aside for a second, we saw some other Senate Democrats start to wake up yesterday. Sen. Adam Schiff announced he is putting a hold on interim U.S. Attorney and all-around nutjob Ed Martin. Ruben Gallego is putting a hold on VA nominees. Other Senate Democrats are setting up a Social Security war room. It has taken a lot longer than it should have (looking at you, Schumer), but rank-and-file Senate Democrats are finally getting the message.

More: AP News, Axios

We’re still clapping

What Cory Booker did yesterday was heroic. Not only did Booker stand and speak out eloquently against the crimes, abuses and horrors of the Trump administration. But while doing so, the senator also broke racist scumbag Strom Thurmond’s record for longest Senate speech. Thurmond’s was against the 1957 Civil Rights Act. Booker gave us a lot yesterday. He gave us hope, he gave us motivation and he gave us a giant middle finger to the ghost of a racist asshole. We were blown away. Thank you, Sen. Booker.

More: ABC News

Happy Fuck Up the Economy Day!

We forgot to get you a gift. But don’t worry because our idiot asshead president is giving us all the gift of higher prices and economic uncertainty. Yeah, Trump is gonna waddle out to the Rose Garden this afternoon and announce 20 percent tariffs on all imported goods. He’s waiting to make the announcement after the markets close. We’re sure they’ll shrug it off by tomorrow lol. Trump was handed a great economy and he is determined to fuck it up. And you can bet your hot ass that if Biden had run on lowering prices and then flip-flopped and said here comes the pain, then the D.C. press would be straight up calling him a liar.

More: NBC

Today’s clips

Michigan state Sen. Mallory McMorrow is jumping into the race to replace retiring Democratic Sen. Gary Peters, planting her flag in what’s expected to become one of the highest-profile Senate races of the 2026 midterms. More: NBC

A House Democrat is introducing long-shot legislation that would force billionaire Trump lieutenant Elon Musk and his staffers at DOGE to undergo routine drug testing, Axios has learned. More: Axios

Last week, National Security Advisor Michael Waltz inadvertently invited a journalist to a Signal chat discussing a planned military strike. Today, a new Washington Post report says that he has also discussed “sensitive military positions and powerful weapons systems relating to an ongoing conflict,” using his personal Gmail account. More: The Verge

Emails show that the Social Security Administration canceled contracts with the state of Maine as political payback against its Democratic governor. More: HuffPost

The White House is angrily deflecting questions over how a Salvadoran man who had sought asylum in the United States was sent back to his home country despite having been granted protected legal status. More: The Independent